the end of the fourth trimester.

Three years ago, I took Arden to the local maternal health clinic for her 4-month checkup. We sat in the waiting area with another mom, who was holding an infant while her toddler son played nearby. Now, I'm not usually one to strike up light conversation with strangers, but my experience with baby Arden had been so overwhelming that I was overcome with deep sympathy for this mother of not one but two littles. I quietly asked her how she was doing.

"It's been great!" she chirped. "It's so much better the second time around. It's been so much easier." She smiled peacefully as her baby wriggled in her arms.

I searched her face for signs of irony. Rolled eyes? A wink? The slight flaring of nostrils? Absolutely nothing. Unless this woman had my dry-as-a-desert sense of sarcasm, she was probably being... totally serious..?

Absolute rubbish, I thought. I had spent the last four months on some weird chaotic autopilot, simultaneously bored to tears but also the busiest I had ever been in my life. I went about my days feeling like someone had scooped my brain out, put it into a blender and stuffed half of it back in my head. How on earth was it possible to add a toddler to this situation and feel like it was easier? This woman was obviously joking.

And yet her response was something I kept hearing from other new parents of a second child: that it was actually easier the second time around, at least parts of it. It was intriguing and fascinating and something I could not comprehend.

Of course, I had also heard the opposite: that adding another child to the mix was harder than the first time, and not a decision to be made lightly. At a community parenting event, a speaker talked about how she "couldn't believe the horrible things my husband and I said to each other after our second child was born" - and that story alone convinced me that maybe "one and done" might be a good mantra for our family.

But here we are! My second child Logan is now 3 months old and we're at the end of the "fourth trimester" of my pregnancy journey. And I have to say... I can honestly echo the waiting room mother's sentiments. It is easier the second time around. Sort of.

The "easier" part is in the experience. We already know what to expect for many newborn milestones. We might not necessarily know how to deal with it, but what we do know is that nothing lasts forever, good or bad. Not the marathon breastfeeding sessions, the sleepy half-smiles, terrible head control, or the wombat-like grunting noises that newborns make in their evening sleep (fun fact: Ben had totally forgotten about that, and spent the first few weeks camped out in Arden's room. newborn babies are noisy!).

Don't get me wrong - the days feel like mountains to conquer, the nights are often endless, and I occasionally have moments where I can't remember what month it is or what country we're even living in. But overall, I think our transition from party of 3 to 4 has gone way better than our transition from party of 2 to 3.

Our first three months with Logan were very different from our first three months with Arden. Mostly because Logan is generally more relaxed and content, and because sometimes we have to address a toddler tantrum before the fussy baby (and by default, Logan has learned that he can't always be the center of attention). And also, we are no longer naive first-time parents - we are now naive second-time parents! We still have no clue what we're doing, but we're less anxious about it.

a side-by-side comparison of 2-month old Arden and Logan.

3-month old Arden and Logan

Logan's first little grins!

Baby Logan can do amazing things such as:
-lie on a surface other than a parent's arms and be content for more than 2 minutes
-nap in a crib
-nap in a stroller
-ride in a stroller without screaming his head off
-take a pacifier
-take a bottle
-self-soothe with a fist or finger
-have five minutes of tummy time without screaming his head off
-have a bath without screaming his head off

If you couldn't tell, these are all things that baby Arden could not do, which is why my first year with her felt like a decade (which isn't a terrible thing - baby Arden was adorable and amazing! but, like, SO MUCH WORK).

successful tummy time.

But, you know. Every child has their strengths and weaknesses.

Baby Logan also does the following:
-drools way more (so that's what bibs are for...)
-spits up way more (also what bibs are for I guess)
-feeds way less (which means I have to actually do stuff with him, not just latch him on and scroll through Instagram for hours, haha)
-puts his hands into his mouth (which means he'll probably be the kind of baby who puts everything else into his mouth - which Arden did not do,  not even when it was time for her to learn how to feed herself. she was 16 months old when she first put a snack puff in her mouth and ate it successfully. most babies do that at 9-12 months...!)

Arden is a wonderful big sister, when she's not accidentally clobbering her little brother with toys or trying to squish his face all the time. She's a big help when it comes to entertaining a fussy Logan if I'm trying to make dinner or wash dishes. And Logan is also helpful in cheering up Arden if she's having a rough moment. She loves "holding him" on the couch and serenading him with her toy ukulele.

I hope they grow up to be good friends, or at least that they tolerate each other. I also hope they both learn how to sleep through the night, because we are SO DARN TIRED.

That said, some things are obviously a lot harder with two kids. Like heading into the city or running errands with both of them. We were gifted with an amazing hand-me-down double stroller from Ben's coworker, but it's enormous and a bit more stressful to navigate around the city. Also, putting the baby down for a nap is next to impossible when the toddler is having a screaming fit in the same room. Arden's bedtime routine (already way too long and chaotic) doesn't quite align with Logan's later bedtime yet, so there's pressure for one of us to keep him happy/quiet while the other tries to soothe Arden to sleep as quickly as possible. And I know that we are only scratching the surface of parenthood, and that in the future we'll be dealing with fun two-children perks such as sibling rivalry, extracurricular scheduling conflicts, and seating arrangements for flights with three-seater rows. But we can worry about that later.

my handsome little boy!

Arden is now at childcare two days a week, which has been a really nice balance for everyone. She's able to have a social experience with teachers and classmates, and I'm able to have some good bonding time with Logan. Arden still attends swim class on the weekends, and I recently re-registered her for music classes during the week, which gives Logan some exposure to music education as well.

my not-so-little 3.5-year old.

Arden's baby doll has tummy time, too.

We're now heading into the winter season, which I'm a little sad about. The bummer about having opposite seasons is that we have no festive and cozy holidays come wintertime. In fact, we only have one public holiday during all three winter months, which is the Queen's Birthday in mid-June. Not exactly cause for peppermint mochas and gingerbread houses (peppermint crumpets and gingerbread palaces maybe?). There are a few public holidays in June and August for other Australian states (including something called Picnic Day in the Northern Territory on August 5 - what, the rest of the states can't have picnics?), but absolutely no holidays whatsoever in July. There is a controversial Australian holiday in January (and yes yes yes all holidays are controversial but that's not the point) that could perhaps be moved to fill the celebratory void in July. Just my humble suggestion.

To Melbourne's credit, there are a few festive events in the city that help pass the chilly months - the Firelight Festival in our neighbourhood is one of them, which is at the end of June and seems to get fancier every year. Also, this year one of our favourite festivals White Night is now at the end of August as a winter festival, instead of being a summer event in late February.

cozy winter baby!

All in all, my fourth trimester has been a good one. The physical recovery has been smooth, I no longer have diabetes (yay!!) and I'm looking forward to participating in a 5k at the end of July. I'm definitely ready for Logan to start sleeping in longer stretches (even though he's recently shown signs of that 3-4 month sleep regression, woo hoo), but he's already been a much better sleeper than Arden so far, so I really can't complain too much.

I feel incredibly blessed with my two children, my ever-supportive partner, and our little life here in Melbourne. And despite the exhaustion, stress and anxiety of early parenthood, I know that someday I'll look back on this time with loving nostalgia. These are the good old days, aren't they?

CK

welcome, Logan!

Just a quick little update:

Our son is here! His name is Logan, and his birth story is in the video below. :)

Thanks so much for the support and well-wishes! We are all doing great and adjusting to our new normal.

CK

so many visitors!

We got so spoiled this past month with friends and family visiting Melbourne!

My mom was here at the end of 2018, making her annual/biannual trip to visit us (well, mostly Arden!).

She was a great help with Arden, taking care of her both day and night - which was a great blessing especially during my third trimester of pregnancy. We don't usually get such hands-on assistance with Arden on a weekly basis, so we always appreciate the help (and opportunities for date nights!).

teatime with Ahma!

In late December/early January, my maternal cousin Justin was in town with his wife Han and their two kids, visiting Han's extended family who live near Melbourne. I hadn't seen Justin since a family reunion in 2007, so it was great to see him again.

2007! we were in Hawaii, in case you couldn't tell...

2018! I am less tan and very pregnant now.

We got to visit with them several times: meeting up at a mall near our apartment, a trip to the Melbourne Zoo and a barbecue at their AirBnB, and finally a barbecue picnic at the edge of the beautiful Yarra River.

Justin and Han have two kids - a girl and a little boy - so we asked them plenty of questions about their experience with two children, and what the transition from one to two was like for them. Arden especially adored their daughter Olive, wanting to hold her hand most of the time and always asking about the next time we'd see her.

Olive and Arden. Olive Garden, haha

And earlier this month we hosted our friends Matt and Kathryn, whom I've known since college, and their adorable 1-year old daughter Arlynn. And yes, it was often a challenge to keep our kids' names straight.

Royal Botanic Gardens

checking out the Sandridge Bridge and its records of Australian immigration

American football fans.

Arden was... mostly gentle with baby Arlynn. However, every time Arlynn started crying, Arden joined in unison and it took a while to calm her down again. The visit was a good test-run for what an experience with another baby will be like in a few weeks/months... (hint: we've definitely got our work cut out for us!)

"hugs"

The Riemersmas were up for anything and everything, so we took them to almost all the local sightseeing spots, and we had amazing weather to walk around in (on average, we walked from 6-8 miles every day!). We took them to the Shrine of Remembrance, Royal Botanic Gardens, various malls and centres in the city, the Queen Victoria Markets, the Melbourne Museum, and around our lovely Docklands neighbourhood. We also had some amazing meals in newly-discovered restaurants (even with my strange Gestational Diabetes diet, I've finally figured out what I can and can't eat out).

 

Market Lane coffee!

Arden adored Auntie Kathryn.

I found myself feeling pretty sad at the end of our string of visitors, as I usually am. As much as we love living abroad and there is no shortage of wonderful people in Melbourne, there's something truly valuable about friendships and relationships with history. Also, these visits were the last major events in my calendar before our son's due date, and it's a bit surreal knowing that our next adventure will most likely be his birth day..!

We love Melbourne, and we especially love showing it off to friends and family when they're able to visit. And yes, we are always open to hosting (or at least, playing tour guide to) more friends and family who end up on this side of the world! I mean, we hosted friends when Arden was only 2 weeks old (and had a wonderful time despite diaper blowouts, breastfeeding challenges and very little sleep!), so... if you want to come see us, we'd love to hang out.

Thanks for visiting, family and friends! Hopefully it's not too long before we see you all again.

CK

goodbye 2018, hello 2019!

Happy New Year!

2018 was another whirlwind year of travel, adventures, and another journey towards expanding our family.

Early this year, we got our Australian Permanent Residency after what seemed like a never-ending process of paperwork, logistics and setbacks.

We made our yearly trip to the US a little earlier this year, mostly so we could attend Ben's sister's spring wedding. We had an amazing time celebrating in Washington, and then Arden and I made a trip to the midwest to visit our family in Michigan.

Other travels this year included a visit to Singapore to meet up with my mom and see a fun new city, and most recently a trip to Tasmania where we had an amazing time visiting beautiful places and seeing lots of Australian wildlife up close.

We're also expecting our second child this year, which we are very excited about. I've been doing pregnancy updates through a vlog series, which you can check out below. Some new updates:

-We're having a boy!
-This pregnancy I have been diagnosed with gestational diabetes, which has been a big lifestyle change for me - but over the past month I've grown very accustomed to checking my blood sugar and injecting myself with insulin, which aren't pleasant things to do, but I'm fairly used to it now.


2018 was a challenging, adventurous and wonderful year for us, and we're looking forward to seeing what 2019 has in store for our little family.

Hope you had/are having a wonderful holiday season!

-Ben, Candice and Arden

Tasmania.

During our time in Australia, we’ve made the most of my extra vacation time and planned trips to most of the big cities and popular destinations throughout the country. One of the places that has always been near the top of the list but kept getting pushed aside (mainly due to it being so close to Melbourne, and a place we could go anytime) was Tasmania. This year we finally decided to make a trip to Tassie for a little babymoon and to spend a bit of time in the mountains, something I’ve been craving ever since we moved away from Washington.

hanging out at a rest stop en route to Cradle Mountain

For the first part of our trip we stayed in a nice cabin at the Cradle Mountain Lodge, which is just outside Cradle Mountain-Lake St Clair National Park. When we arrived to check in at the lodge we were greeted by a friendly wombat roaming around, and on our walk from the cabin to the lodge for dinner we saw lots of Pademelons (little wallabies) and Currawongs (a Tasmanian bird similar to a crow but with bright yellow eyes and white tail feathers). It was really nice to see so many Currawongs and brought back fond memories as we used to be visited by a Currawong that would land on our apartment balcony and keep Candice company while she was pregnant with Arden. During our time at Cradle Mountain we were so spoiled by wildlife that after seeing a few animals, Arden kept saying “see another one”, like this was just an ordinary everyday experience.

wombat-spotting!

pademelon-sighting

I should mention that Cradle Mountain is known for its extremely unpredictable weather, so it was a gamble going in mid-spring when the weather could often be really rainy or even snowing. Fortunately, we had one absolutely perfect sunny day, and we spent the day walking around Dove Lake, located at the foot of Cradle Mountain. The walk is pretty mild and only has one decent uphill stretch, but when you’re carrying a 3-year old most of the time (or are over halfway pregnant all of the time!) it gets pretty exhausting. We were so thankful to get a really nice day and to be able to enjoy all the great views of Cradle Mountain (which if you haven’t guessed already, looks like a cradle).

Cradle Mountain

The next day we went on a few short walks near the lodge and were able to see two really nice waterfalls (Pencil Pine Falls and Knyvet Falls). The walk through the forest to get to the falls was really lush, with moss hanging from the trees, and reminded me a bit of the Hoh Rainforest in Washington.

Pencil Pine falls

After our walks it was meant to get pretty rainy, so we decided to go see the Tasmanian Devils at a sanctuary located nearby (Devils at Cradle). This was probably the highlight of the trip for Arden as she loved the Devils and now has a plush Devil and a Devil t-shirt. The Devils were really cute, except for the terrifying barking sound they make.

Arden cuddling her beloved Tasmanian Devil plushie on the flight home

After a short few days at Cradle Mountain, we drove back down to Hobart for the rest of our stay (leaving just before they got a bunch of snow again). We spent the first evening wandering around the waterfront before spending the next day at Salamanca Market and Royal Tasmanian Botanical Gardens. The market was fun, but it was hard to enjoy as it was super windy and raining off and on. The botanic gardens were really nice and one of the better gardens we’ve visited in Australia. It was a bit of a walk from the city, but well worth the visit.

the journey back to Hobart was very risky

Salamanca Markets

Botanic Garden

Our last full day in Hobart we took the ferry to the Museum of Old and New Art (MONA). The ferry is pretty awesome as it’s a big catamaran with sheep that you can sit on (which Arden loved). It also gave us some great views of the city from the water. The museum itself was really cool. To steal the thought from my friends, when you start the tour it really does feel like you’re entering a bond villain’s lair. I won’t say any more than that as I don’t want to spoil it for those who haven’t been yet.

The exhibits themselves were varied and largely fascinating. I’m not sure if this happens every day, or if this was a special experience (as we were there for the opening of a few new exhibits), but there was live music for some of the exhibits and it really enhanced the experience. In one instance it was a bit much for me after a little while, but it sure added to the ambiance and feel of the area. Some of the highlights from MONA included these exhibits focused around colour, one of which was a long hallway with intense colour that would periodically change from blue to red (and possibly other colours too). There was also this fun exhibit where you could sit and climb on the art. It was like a kids play area but looked like it was made out of old space suits and had lots of colourful glass tubes on the ceiling.

the view from MONA

live music in front of an exhibit

We had a great little trip to Tassie and hope we get the chance to visit again. There are so many other great national parks I’d still love to visit, but it might be a while until we’re up for another road trip now that we’ll be a family of four. Maybe in a couple years...

 -BK