the end of the fourth trimester.

Three years ago, I took Arden to the local maternal health clinic for her 4-month checkup. We sat in the waiting area with another mom, who was holding an infant while her toddler son played nearby. Now, I'm not usually one to strike up light conversation with strangers, but my experience with baby Arden had been so overwhelming that I was overcome with deep sympathy for this mother of not one but two littles. I quietly asked her how she was doing.

"It's been great!" she chirped. "It's so much better the second time around. It's been so much easier." She smiled peacefully as her baby wriggled in her arms.

I searched her face for signs of irony. Rolled eyes? A wink? The slight flaring of nostrils? Absolutely nothing. Unless this woman had my dry-as-a-desert sense of sarcasm, she was probably being... totally serious..?

Absolute rubbish, I thought. I had spent the last four months on some weird chaotic autopilot, simultaneously bored to tears but also the busiest I had ever been in my life. I went about my days feeling like someone had scooped my brain out, put it into a blender and stuffed half of it back in my head. How on earth was it possible to add a toddler to this situation and feel like it was easier? This woman was obviously joking.

And yet her response was something I kept hearing from other new parents of a second child: that it was actually easier the second time around, at least parts of it. It was intriguing and fascinating and something I could not comprehend.

Of course, I had also heard the opposite: that adding another child to the mix was harder than the first time, and not a decision to be made lightly. At a community parenting event, a speaker talked about how she "couldn't believe the horrible things my husband and I said to each other after our second child was born" - and that story alone convinced me that maybe "one and done" might be a good mantra for our family.

But here we are! My second child Logan is now 3 months old and we're at the end of the "fourth trimester" of my pregnancy journey. And I have to say... I can honestly echo the waiting room mother's sentiments. It is easier the second time around. Sort of.

The "easier" part is in the experience. We already know what to expect for many newborn milestones. We might not necessarily know how to deal with it, but what we do know is that nothing lasts forever, good or bad. Not the marathon breastfeeding sessions, the sleepy half-smiles, terrible head control, or the wombat-like grunting noises that newborns make in their evening sleep (fun fact: Ben had totally forgotten about that, and spent the first few weeks camped out in Arden's room. newborn babies are noisy!).

Don't get me wrong - the days feel like mountains to conquer, the nights are often endless, and I occasionally have moments where I can't remember what month it is or what country we're even living in. But overall, I think our transition from party of 3 to 4 has gone way better than our transition from party of 2 to 3.

Our first three months with Logan were very different from our first three months with Arden. Mostly because Logan is generally more relaxed and content, and because sometimes we have to address a toddler tantrum before the fussy baby (and by default, Logan has learned that he can't always be the center of attention). And also, we are no longer naive first-time parents - we are now naive second-time parents! We still have no clue what we're doing, but we're less anxious about it.

a side-by-side comparison of 2-month old Arden and Logan.

3-month old Arden and Logan

Logan's first little grins!

Baby Logan can do amazing things such as:
-lie on a surface other than a parent's arms and be content for more than 2 minutes
-nap in a crib
-nap in a stroller
-ride in a stroller without screaming his head off
-take a pacifier
-take a bottle
-self-soothe with a fist or finger
-have five minutes of tummy time without screaming his head off
-have a bath without screaming his head off

If you couldn't tell, these are all things that baby Arden could not do, which is why my first year with her felt like a decade (which isn't a terrible thing - baby Arden was adorable and amazing! but, like, SO MUCH WORK).

successful tummy time.

But, you know. Every child has their strengths and weaknesses.

Baby Logan also does the following:
-drools way more (so that's what bibs are for...)
-spits up way more (also what bibs are for I guess)
-feeds way less (which means I have to actually do stuff with him, not just latch him on and scroll through Instagram for hours, haha)
-puts his hands into his mouth (which means he'll probably be the kind of baby who puts everything else into his mouth - which Arden did not do,  not even when it was time for her to learn how to feed herself. she was 16 months old when she first put a snack puff in her mouth and ate it successfully. most babies do that at 9-12 months...!)

Arden is a wonderful big sister, when she's not accidentally clobbering her little brother with toys or trying to squish his face all the time. She's a big help when it comes to entertaining a fussy Logan if I'm trying to make dinner or wash dishes. And Logan is also helpful in cheering up Arden if she's having a rough moment. She loves "holding him" on the couch and serenading him with her toy ukulele.

I hope they grow up to be good friends, or at least that they tolerate each other. I also hope they both learn how to sleep through the night, because we are SO DARN TIRED.

That said, some things are obviously a lot harder with two kids. Like heading into the city or running errands with both of them. We were gifted with an amazing hand-me-down double stroller from Ben's coworker, but it's enormous and a bit more stressful to navigate around the city. Also, putting the baby down for a nap is next to impossible when the toddler is having a screaming fit in the same room. Arden's bedtime routine (already way too long and chaotic) doesn't quite align with Logan's later bedtime yet, so there's pressure for one of us to keep him happy/quiet while the other tries to soothe Arden to sleep as quickly as possible. And I know that we are only scratching the surface of parenthood, and that in the future we'll be dealing with fun two-children perks such as sibling rivalry, extracurricular scheduling conflicts, and seating arrangements for flights with three-seater rows. But we can worry about that later.

my handsome little boy!

Arden is now at childcare two days a week, which has been a really nice balance for everyone. She's able to have a social experience with teachers and classmates, and I'm able to have some good bonding time with Logan. Arden still attends swim class on the weekends, and I recently re-registered her for music classes during the week, which gives Logan some exposure to music education as well.

my not-so-little 3.5-year old.

Arden's baby doll has tummy time, too.

We're now heading into the winter season, which I'm a little sad about. The bummer about having opposite seasons is that we have no festive and cozy holidays come wintertime. In fact, we only have one public holiday during all three winter months, which is the Queen's Birthday in mid-June. Not exactly cause for peppermint mochas and gingerbread houses (peppermint crumpets and gingerbread palaces maybe?). There are a few public holidays in June and August for other Australian states (including something called Picnic Day in the Northern Territory on August 5 - what, the rest of the states can't have picnics?), but absolutely no holidays whatsoever in July. There is a controversial Australian holiday in January (and yes yes yes all holidays are controversial but that's not the point) that could perhaps be moved to fill the celebratory void in July. Just my humble suggestion.

To Melbourne's credit, there are a few festive events in the city that help pass the chilly months - the Firelight Festival in our neighbourhood is one of them, which is at the end of June and seems to get fancier every year. Also, this year one of our favourite festivals White Night is now at the end of August as a winter festival, instead of being a summer event in late February.

cozy winter baby!

All in all, my fourth trimester has been a good one. The physical recovery has been smooth, I no longer have diabetes (yay!!) and I'm looking forward to participating in a 5k at the end of July. I'm definitely ready for Logan to start sleeping in longer stretches (even though he's recently shown signs of that 3-4 month sleep regression, woo hoo), but he's already been a much better sleeper than Arden so far, so I really can't complain too much.

I feel incredibly blessed with my two children, my ever-supportive partner, and our little life here in Melbourne. And despite the exhaustion, stress and anxiety of early parenthood, I know that someday I'll look back on this time with loving nostalgia. These are the good old days, aren't they?

CK