welcome, Reuben!

Guess what?

We had another baby!

Our newest child Reuben is three months old now, but better late than never to share his birth story! I wrote an in-depth post about Arden's birth, and even did a full four-part pregnancy vlog with Logan... so I suppose it's only fitting for Reuben, our third child, to get... this super late (and let's be honest, not very well-written) recap!

My third pregnancy experience

First of all, for the curious - Reuben was definitely planned, but still a surprise in a way. It had taken almost a year to make Logan, and I figured that with my age and previous fertility struggles, it would take a while longer to make a third - which I was totally fine with and prepared for. So it was absolutely a surprise when two pink lines showed up quickly, and it was even more of a pleasant surprise when things kept progressing positively.

We kept the pregnancy pretty quiet - mostly because I thought it would be a fun and sneaky thing to do, and because it was very easy to do during the pandemic. I had announced my previous pregnancies earlier than I had wanted, because they either coincided with family visits or travel plans. But during this pregnancy we had nothing on the horizon except... staying home! So keeping things hidden on social media and FaceTime was possible. 

In retrospect, it was my loneliest pregnancy - obviously because we didn't tell many people, but also because no one else in our families was expecting at the same time. During previous pregnancies, we had cousins, siblings and close friends who were expecting at around the same time, and it was fun for me to have people to relate to and compare/contrast experiences with. Of course, a few local friends and acquaintances noticed my growing midsection after a few months. But even then, my entire third trimester occurred during an intense lockdown (Melbourne's... 6th..?), so I really wasn't in public much during most of my obvious pregnancy.

Like my other pregnancies, I had a few complications. I had a marginal cord insertion, so there was a risk of having a smaller baby. I also did some basic testing at 13 weeks for genetic abnormalities and had a higher percentage for Down Syndrome, but we decided not to do further testing. And of course, I had gestational diabetes again, which was a bit more severe this time. I wasn't exercising and I wasn't on top of my nutrition as well, so that wasn't great. However, there was less bleeding during this pregnancy - mostly because I barely did any walking or exercise activities.

My birth story

Gestational diabetes is usually grounds for an induction, where birth is artificially started by synthetic hormones and other devices. Inductions are usually a lot more painful, not always medically necessary, and there’s a higher risk of medical interventions like epidurals and c-sections, so I’ve always wanted to avoid them if possible. This time around I was more open to an induction because of the overwhelmed healthcare situation, and because we now had two kids to figure out childcare logistics for. A planned birth (instead of a frantic middle-of-the-night adventure) sounded more convenient and safer all around. Our amazing friends Ronelle and Gaz, who had also watched Arden during Logan’s birth, offered to watch the kids in advance. Even during the strict lockdown, this thankfully still fell under the exemption of "care or caregiving" and we are SO grateful they were willing to do that for us!

I was scheduled in for a balloon or gel induction on the evening of Tuesday October 12th, and was told that I would stay overnight at the hospital and have my waters broken on Wednesday morning. Partners can’t stay overnight at our hospital (unless things are obviously moving along) so I headed out alone on Tuesday afternoon, feeling super weird about dragging a suitcase through the city during lockdown! I checked in, got a Covid test (negative!), and was shown to a private room. I had a cervical exam and was told that I had already progressed to 2 cm and wouldn’t actually need the balloon or gel, so I could go home and come back the next morning. I asked them if I could stay at the hospital instead, since I didn’t want the hassle of making the journey back and forth. I figured, why not have a nice relaxing night at the hospital before the chaos of birth and caring for a newborn? So I got cozy and ready for bed. 

waiting for the tram, heading to the hospital!

At 10:30pm I was just about to settle in for the night when a midwife came in and told me that my induction was actually happening… now! So I quickly texted Ben about the update, and was promptly moved to a birthing suite. He met me there at around 11pm, but we had to wait a few hours while other births were being attended to. At around 1am on the 13th, my waters were broken (which is a lot more painful and awkward than it sounds), and I was started on an Oxytocin drip at around 1:30am. Not quite the restful induction I had imagined, but labouring overnight is something I'm quite familiar with anyway.

Labour progressed steadily as they increased the drip, and I told the midwife that I was aiming to avoid pain medication as much as possible. Nothing against epidurals, but I wanted to avoid one and try to push through for as long as I could. My amazing doula Vaughne (who sadly couldn't be there in person due to Covid restrictions) had given Ben and I some valuable tips on natural pain relief and distractions, so we tried various things as the contractions got more intense. I spent most of the time sitting on a birthing ball, squeezing a spiky dryer ball while Ben pushed on pressure points around my neck with each contraction. 

The midwife on duty was very kind and helpful, and seemed really impressed with how things were going. She asked me if I had high pain tolerance, as I wasn’t outwardly reacting despite the contractions ramping up. Because I was hooked up to monitors during the entire process, we could see the timing and duration of the contractions on the machine, which was actually pretty cool. But it was less cool having to constantly readjust the position of the monitors, especially because I was trying to move around a bit for pain relief. 

I kept asking the midwife when I would be checked for cervical progress, but she said that they wouldn’t check me until six hours had passed since the beginning of the induction, and that my baby could be born before then. So I have no idea what centimetres corresponded with what times. I progressed quickly, but at no point did I think about having to ask for pain relief. I think I got lucky - that my body was already naturally preparing for labour, and that the induction happened overnight, so my body was relaxed and sleepy (things that apparently help labour progress more naturally). If I had been induced later that morning as planned, things might have gone a bit differently. 

After hours of sitting on the birthing ball, the midwife and her assistant asked me to lay down on the bed so they could keep the monitors steady for a consistent amount of time, as the doctors wanted to make sure the baby wasn’t in distress. It wasn’t an ideal position to be in at that stage of labour (judging from the pain, it was probably at the transition stage), but I figured the end was near, and at least the midwives would be in an ideal place to catch the baby when it was time to push. 

The pain was excruciating at this point, and the screaming noises I made were much more intense than during my previous two births. Ben was by the side of the bed holding my hand while I pushed through, focusing on bringing the baby down the birth canal and into this world. I also felt extremely excited when I realised that it was probably too late for pain relief, and that I’d most likely accomplish my goal of a pain-med-free induction. 

By pushing time, there were four midwives in the room because it was during a shift change. They were all extremely helpful, holding up my legs and whatnot. At one point, one of them said something like “he’s almost here!” And I replied with “he’d better be!” which everyone thought was a funny thing to say for some reason. It took a few pushes to get him out. At first I was pushing too hard, and then I wasn't pushing hard enough, and eventually I pushed just the right amount. And at 7:16am, Reuben Avery was born and placed on my chest, and my final pregnancy was over. 

I was incredibly happy with this birthing experience, as I am with the other births, but I think this one felt like my most empowering one. The most important part of birth is a safe baby and mother, but to feel heard and empowered is pretty high up there too. 

Birthing during a pandemic...

was actually not much different from my previous birthing experiences. We have very little experience with visitors, meal trains, and partners coming to appointments and staying overnight at the hospital - so most of the Covid restrictions didn't affect us.

During October, Melbourne was moving from a “Covid-zero” to a “live with Covid” mentality. So while many restrictions were being lifted, other rules were being implemented to account for the inevitable rise in cases and hospitalisations. Ambulances were in high demand and the Australian military was being called to drive them due to a shortage of health workers (part of the reason I was fine with being induced this time). The hospital also had to tighten its visitor and birthing support policy. 

The biggest bummer this time around was that I was unable to have more than one birthing support person at my birth. I had once again hired Vaughne, my doula while I was pregnant with Logan, and I especially wanted her by my side in case of an induction. While I tried to have zero expectations about whether or not she’d be able to come, I optimistically noticed that the hospital policy allowed two support people at a birth... right up until just a few weeks before I was due, when it changed to one person. But again, this wasn’t much different from my previous experience birthing Logan, which Vaughne wasn’t able to be at either (only because he came so quickly!). At one point I considered having Vaughne be my primary support person and for Ben to tap in at the very end, but the hospital wouldn’t allow a change in birth support person and couldn’t guarantee that Ben would be able to see me immediately afterwards. So Ben and I scheduled an appointment with Vaughne to come over and teach Ben some useful birthing support techniques, which really came in handy.

Post birth, things weren’t much different aside from staff wearing more PPE than usual and a Covid test upon check-in. I was allowed one visitor per day during daytime hours, which was pretty standard. Pre-Covid-era, Ben hadn’t been allowed to stay with me at the hospital overnight, not even when I had a private room with Logan. I just felt lucky that he was able to return the following day, because in 2020 some hospitals weren’t allowing partners to return after leaving. 

Despite the tightened restrictions at the hospital, they still made patients share a recovery room. During my stay I never saw my roommate wear a mask at any point, and she was on the phone until pretty late the first night - so I was totally fine with being discharged early after just one night (my previous births were both two night stays, due to post-birth complications and the gestational diabetes). We took Reuben home via tram this time, which made the most sense for our circumstances. 

After being sent home, we were visited several times by midwives who did newborn checks on Reuben to make sure he was growing enough. It took a few extra visits before he was officially discharged, but he's been thriving ever since.

The fourth trimester

I still can't believe that we now have three children in our household, and that I'm exiting my final fourth trimester. I mean, never say never, but we don't even have a place to put Reuben's crib in our apartment - so I think we're done expanding our family!

Per usual, having a new baby kind of ruins the old one, and it's been an especially hard adjustment for Logan. There are moments of caring and sweetness, but also a lot of acting out - but I'm sure it's also due to being a 2-year old in the middle of a pandemic. 

Parenting three kids is pretty overwhelming, but I know we haven't even scratched the surface of real deal parenting. So far, having a newborn who isn't on a schedule has been relatively easy - I just take him along to whatever his siblings have going on. He naps well in the ergo carrier, and I try to put him down in bed for at least one nap a day (sometimes successfully!). Night sleep has been manageable. Overall, Reuben is a mostly laid-back baby. He likes being carried and gets upset when we leave him alone for too long, either in a bouncy chair or his play area. He nurses well and thankfully takes the occasional bottle when we need him to. At the moment, his eyes are dark grey (Arden and Logan had brown eyes at birth) and he takes after his Kortlever side more, but he looks like a mixture of both his siblings. It'll be interesting to see his features develop in the next months and years.

a little family photo recreation

Anyway... we've had a lot going on recently, but time has been flying by. We are so very grateful for everything, especially during these unpredictable times. 

CK