enjoying the moment, and other thoughts.

Arden is almost 5 months old now, and I find myself getting a bit emotional because she totally isn't a newborn anymore. Technically she stopped being a newborn at 3 months (babies are "infants" after 3 months), but for some reason her 4-month milestone held more weight for me this time.

Arden's 4-month photoshoot - time flies!

I find myself caught between wishing Arden would grow up faster, and wanting to hold on to her sweet babyhood for just a moment longer. It's hard to believe, but Ben and I have actually reminisced about the "good old days" when Arden was so young she would drift off to sleep in our arms at a moment's notice (none of this rocking/feeding to sleep craziness), or when she would cluster feed long enough for us to park in front of the television for an interrupted movie (I never thought I'd ever miss the cluster-feeding days!). She is a highly interactive child, always wanting to stare at things, fighting sleep almost every naptime or bedtime. In fact, her "4 month sleep regression" has gotten so bad that Ben has moved into the guest bedroom for the past two weeks and counting, and our attempts at corrective sleep training have not gone well.

more caffeine, pleeeease

Anyway, I'm terrible at goodbyes in general, and sometimes it seems like parenting is one long goodbye. The stages go by so quickly, and we are constantly saying farewell to sweet little quirks without even realising it. Like Arden's adorable "failed sneezes" as Ben likes to call them - where she would gear up for a giant sneeze, but only a cute little <sigh> would come out. Her sneeze success rate is almost 100% now - how bittersweet!

But parenting is also one long hello. Every week Arden makes a new discovery, or starts practicing a new skill or mannerism. Now when we sing to her, she breaks into a contagious and uninhibited smile, sometimes even in the midst of a crying spell - needless to say, I sing to her a lot these days! She likes to puff out her cheeks when she stares at people on the tram, and she looks kind of like Nien Nunb from Star Wars when she does it. She's also starting to show signs of interest in rolling over (but still hasn't), and likes to grab her growing collection of plush elephants. I love watching her learn about the world around her, and we're looking forward to eventually taking her to places like the zoo and aquarium and seeing her big eyes light up with wonder, probably years from now - but we're excited.

We've been trying to enjoy the Autumn festivities as much as possible, such as the Moomba Festival two weekends ago. We don't really do much at these events, but it's fun to take Arden in her stroller or the baby carrier, and just walk through the crowds and absorb all the energy. I was also reminded of last year's festival, watching the Birdman Rally on the grassy bank - scarfing down a bag of dry crackers because I was simultaneously famished and nauseous (yep, I don't miss that). It's hard to believe that I was pregnant with Arden a year ago! 

this year's Moomba festival

I got to try my hand at single parenting for four days, when Ben went to Wodonga on a work trip two weeks ago. It was pretty challenging, especially during the evening hours when I would normally get a little break to eat dinner before starting the chaotic bedtime routine. But we made it through. I even took Arden to class with me (usually Ben comes to the university to watch her), and she was pretty well-behaved. And now she knows a little more about journalism!

These days, I'm trying to actively enjoy the moment - something I admittedly have a hard time doing. I'm not the most anxious person I know, but I often look back on phases in my life and wish I had taken them for what they were, instead of worrying about the future. I recall 2014, when I got to tag along on Ben's work projects around Victoria, exploring little towns and taking artsy pictures of everything - "living the dream," really. I look back on those days with rose-tinted glasses, but I remember how dark that time felt without today's context, feeling worthless without a legitimate purpose in life (like a job, or school). I know I tried to enjoy those moments while they lasted, but those memories are tinged with feelings of despair and lack of direction.

So here I am now, in a completely different place - but still worrying about milestones and classes and whether or not Arden will ever be able to go to sleep at night without me. But I know I'll miss these days of constant caring for the baby. As the saying goes: the days are long but the years are short. 

Here's to the long days.

CK

white night 2016.

This past weekend was the fourth annual White Night festival! Inspired by Nuit Blanche in Paris (I actually got to interview one of the curators of both festivals during my internship last August), the one-night festival takes place on the closed-off streets of the Melbourne CBD from 7pm-7am. The event is dedicated to artwork, performance, exhibits, food stalls, and of course - intricate light-themed displays.

Ben and I have enjoyed this festival since 2014 (our first year was way too chaotic during prime time, so we went home and came back at 4 in the morning; last year was a bit easier to navigate from the beginning), and it's always been an end-of-summer highlight for us.

Things were a little different this year due to our little 3.5 month-old. We didn't want to stay out too late (she's going through a sleep regression, which makes us wary of messing with her bedtime too much...) so we weren't able to see everything in its illuminated evening glory. But we enjoyed walking along the closed-off roads during twilight, catching little glimpses of art and music for a few hours.

We passed by a flute beatboxer in a busking zone, saw an exhibit about German 1980's subculture at the RMIT gallery, heard a few songs from the band Thelma Plum, and wandered around some of the projections at the State Library. We walked down to the Victoria Gardens to see some sculptures and took selfies by the giant golden monkey at Town Hall.

Town Hall monkey!

watching the flute beatboxer

1980's subculture exhibit

State Library projections

The reviews of this year's event weren't entirely favourable, and we definitely noticed the lack of overall displays and fluidity between exhibits. But we still enjoyed the experience and the fact that Melbourne continues to put on such cool festivals and events. And of course, we're so glad that we can still have adventures around the city with Arden.

Also, in case you couldn't tell, I've decided that I need to take more videos during our time in Melbourne, because it's such a cool place. I'm really going to miss this city someday...

 

CK

the end of summer.

It's the last month of summer in Australia! While I'm a big fan of hot weather and sunshine, I'm very glad the season is coming to an end this year. Because babies are terrible at regulating their temperature, and Arden hates the heat. So, here's to cooler weather in the hopes that it'll make our baby happier!

Anyway, here are some updates from the past few weeks:

According to our parent-friends, the 3-month mark is when things start to get "easier". It feels like things are actually getting harder, but I guess some things are becoming more manageable. For example, Arden recently decided that she doesn't loathe the stroller - so I've been taking her on a nice walk every morning, just around the neighbourhood. She loves looking around at the waterfront, and people enjoy smiling at the "beautiful little boy!" - I guess Batman onesies aren't as gender-neutral as I thought?

stroller time!

dressed like mommy!

Arden still doesn't nap well unless she's carried, but I've been trying to put her down for at least one nap a day (a very short one, and fed-to-sleep which is a huge crutch... oops) to start training her to snooze independently. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but we'll get there eventually..!

napping in the mobywrap. I know I'll miss these moments, someday...

I've been attending a few meetings for local moms of babies around the same age, organised by and located at the Maternal and Child Health Services. I'm terrible at making friends and socialising (and bouncing a baby while trying to do anything social is a real challenge!) but it's been nice having something to look forward to outside of our daily schedule, and to see Arden in that environment. It's fun seeing a pile of babies in similar ages, each of them different and "advanced" in their own ways. Ben has also been joining us for a "Baby Makes 3" meetup, which discusses how relationships change from "couple" to "family" and how to adjust in a healthy manner. I have to say, Victoria definitely provides some pretty great - and free - services to new parents and families.

Arden loves socialising just as much as her mama does!

Arden's 3-mo. daddy/daughter photoshoot

We finally received Arden's birth certificate, which means we can get the ball rolling on all the official "you made a person!" paperwork. We took her to the U.S. Consulate to register her as an American citizen and apply for her Social Security Number and passport. As of now, she is only a U.S. citizen - Australia does not partake in birthright or jus soli citizenship the way many American countries do - but at least she's a citizen of somewhere! Security is super tight at the consulate, and normally we're only allowed to take our forms and wallet past the main lobby. But this time they let us include a diaper with our paperwork, which was kind of funny. I would have taken a picture, but phones aren't allowed either! :)

Arden loves reading.

This past weekend was Chinese New Year, and also Arden's first 100 days - a milestone celebration in many Asian cultures. There are New Year festivities all month long around Melbourne, and our neighbourhood is hosting the Lunar night markets, a new thing this year. Sadly, the giant light-up dragon that used to reside in our neighbourhood for the past two years is no longer there, but they replaced it with a phoenix and some jailed baby pandas. Cute.

okay, they're not actually in jail. just fenced-off for security purposes.

it's the year of the monkey!

phoenix.

yummy yakisoba. 

This was the first Super Bowl since moving to Australia that Ben and I didn't really care about (because the Seahawks weren't in it - sad!). But Arden and I had fun watching the halftime show before her afternoon nap.

slay, Beyonce, slay.

As February draws to an end, I'm getting ready to go back to school to (hopefully) finish up my Master's degree this semester. I'll be taking one regular class (two hours once a week) starting in March, and have registered for an intensive week-long class in May, but we'll see how things go. I'm a little nervous about trying to balance school and mommyhood, but I think it'll be manageable.

I really don't understand how mothers in the States can return to full-time work after only a few weeks of maternity leave. I'd be lying if I said I never wished I could escape the stay-at-home life sometimes (and I can definitely see the appeal of returning to work) - but Arden clearly needs her mother around all the time, and I'm pretty sure she's not the only baby who does. I know there's a lot of heated conversation about SAHMoms vs. working mothers, and I don't want to stir up any of that. But I wish that all mothers could be able to do what's best for themselves and for their babies - without pressure from society, lack of decent maternity leave or other external reasons - whether it's going back to work, staying home full time, or anywhere else on the spectrum. I'm privileged to be able to stay home with Arden for as long as she needs me. And I hope I never take these days for granted.

CK

motherhood reflections, 3ish months in.

Arden is almost three months old!

To be honest, I don't know where the time has gone for the past 12 weeks. I still feel like I'm "surviving" from day to day, but doing absolutely nothing "difficult" in particular. The weekday schedule consists of three simple things: breastfeeding, "baby playtime" that isn't quite long enough yet (aka setting her down on a playmat while I run to the bathroom, then the fridge for something to eat and maaaaybe the sink to do some dishes if she isn't screaming at me yet), then putting her down for a nap (aka rocking and holding her in a baby carrier for an hour or two), over and over and over again. Sometimes I don't feel like a mom. I feel like a cow, and I feel like a crib.

So. My first goal of 2016: teach Arden how to nap not-on-a-human, which I think will make a huge difference in our schedules - and my sanity!

Anyway. Here are some other reflections from my first few months of mommyhood:


I get nothing done.

Pre-baby, I could tackle things on my to-do list one at a time and in a reasonable order. I now have to get used to accomplishing things in little steps scattered throughout the day, instead of having a longer chunk of time to dedicate to something. And by "accomplishing things" I mean elementary stuff like filling out Arden's passport paperwork or cutting my toenails. Or this blog entry, which was once titled "reflections for the first month of motherhood" - and well, look where we are now!

These days, the line between duty and pleasure is very, very blurry. Boiling and peeling eggs, reorganising shelves, even calling the hospital to pay a bill - these are things I look forward to doing now, these are my daily mood-boosters. Going for a quick run is the ultimate frivolous activity because it requires a set block of time (it can't be broken up into smaller chunks) and it requires another "fun" activity afterwards: a shower!

Relationships change.

Ben and I have always loved spending time together, and it's been a challenge adjusting to life as parents. We used to curl up on the couch and watch shows and movies in the evenings, and work on projects/fun activities separately but together on weekends (video games/reading for Ben, art/writing for me). Now, one of us is always attending to the baby, which means the other is either making food, cleaning or trying to quickly enjoy a short-lived leisure activity. "I miss you!" is something we say to each other often, even when we spend whole days together at home. It's not easy, and I can see why many relationships struggle during the transition from two to three and more.

What on earth would I do without my smartphone?

This is sad, but really - I would probably lose my mind if I wasn't able to text and surf the web while breastfeeding and rocking/bouncing Arden. I text family and close friends a lot, and ask for parenting advice from friends who have recently had babies while things are fresh in their minds. I also try to pay it forward - a few of my friends are in their last stages of pregnancy, so I answer their labor/delivery/newborn questions to the best of my knowledge. And of course, I look up mommy blogs, vlogs and message boards for the latest in parenting tips and advice.

Self-care has never been more important... or harder to achieve.

The postpartum period is such a catch-22. Right after the incredibly painful and often traumatic experience of childbirth, your body and soul needs a ton of rest and recovery and space. But it's really hard to achieve any of that when there's a newborn to care for and a totally new lifestyle to adjust to (aka no sleep!). My physical postpartum recovery is almost complete, but self-care continues to be a challenge. I'm the kind of person who needs a lot of internal processing and reflecting time during life's big moments - journaling, daydreaming, songwriting - and I have to admit, I'm still trying to process what happened three months ago.

Nutrition is another puzzle to figure out. I quickly learned to prepare things ahead of time that I can eat quickly, one-handed, and preferably cold meals (because the hot food gets cold anyway!) - otherwise I just end up eating junk - not ideal for breastfeeding! So now, Sundays are my meal-prep day. I make a mediocre pasta/veggie salad, boil eggs and chop up vegetables - easy snacks for eating as I bounce and sway.

I also usually leave the house looking a lot less "presentable" than I ever have. I run errands in my pyjamas (the baby carrier covers most of my outfit anyway) and "dressing up" just means I've managed to put in my contacts and some moisturising sunscreen. Someday I'll care about appearance again, but for now this feels kind of liberating.

And speaking of clothing: When I was eight months pregnant, I started laying out old beloved clothes in excitement - favourite t-shirts, my one pair of jeans, cute hoodies - thinking I'd be able to wear all of it once I became un-pregnant. But guess what? I still can't wear most of it, because 1) it still doesn't fit (don't let the pictures fool you, I look 12 weeks pregnant in person!) 2) on-demand breastfeeding requires a special easy-access wardrobe and 3) everything I touch immediately gets either milk or spit-up on it. So. I have a tiny new daily wardrobe comprised of nursing tops and old gym shorts. Super stylish.

Arden loves taking selfies with mama!

It's a lot of effort to go out.

Even though it's still possible to go out with a baby in tow, it takes more work and more prep. Arden is super portable and relatively easygoing, but it's still a hassle to take her places - like restaurants, the grocery, or the Australian Open (which we did this year for the family/free day). A part of me wishes we had done more fun stuff before Arden's arrival - fancy dinners! festivals! concerts! - but I know that it's all in hindsight, and Ben and I have led a very full and adventurous pre-baby life. Someday if we have another child, we might wish we had done more things with just one baby because it was "so much easier"...

the Australian Open was a bit different this year...

I know it'll get easier. And harder.

Taking care of a baby is hard, but I know parenting only gets more complicated. There's hardly a dull moment - as soon as one problem is solved, two more emerge. I lament about constantly having to hold Arden, but once she starts crawling and exploring we'll have to babyproof our place and keep an eye on her all the time. Exclusively breastfeeding comes with its baggage, but it's extremely convenient. And of course, once Arden becomes her own person and more independent, there will be less physical maintenance... but more cognitive and emotional parenting to navigate.

she's getting so big!

All of the above is so, so worth it.

Arden grows so much, every week, every day. She now smiles at me in the mornings when I unswaddle her, has babbling "conversations" with me, and can hold her head pretty steady (and slam it down on my chest every now and then... eek). I can't believe how quickly she's developing, and it finally feels like we have a relationship. I love her so much and I know that in retrospect, these long days will go by in the blink of an eye.

these smiles make it all worth it.

Sometimes I wonder how single parents do it. Or working parents. Or people with multiples or multiple children... But then again, people wonder how we do it without a "community" or family in the area, and we're getting it done. (On the flip side, some new parents are jealous that we don't have a ton of people around, so I suppose there are pros and cons to everything!)

I guess at the end of the day, we all do what we can with what we have. We acclimate to whatever situations we're given. And our babies, they'll be just fine.

CK

Arden meets her Ahma.

Arden got to meet her first extended family member - her Ahma (one of the Chinese words for grandmother)!

From the first moment my mom walked through the door, Arden was completely comfortable with her grandma. She gave my mom huge smiles and began excitedly babbling away, as if she had known her forever. Part of this could be because we've chatted on FaceTime with my family every weekend since her birth, so Arden may have recognised her voice and face. But my mom has a way with babies in general.

meeting for the first time.

My parents have raved about how interactive and aware Arden seems via FaceTime, so I was curious to see if my mom would feel the same way about her in person, since pictures/videos aren't always a true representation of things. But - according to my mom - it seems like Arden really is pretty interactive for a 2-month old, having "conversations" with us for long periods of time and being very aware and clear about her demands. If this is any indication of what she'll be like when she's older... we might have our work cut out for us!

My mom happily held Arden for the entire week (the only times I held my baby were during feedings and bedtime!) and I was more than happy for the opportunity to engage in frivolous activity - like eating with two hands, showering and even writing a few entries in my handwritten journal.

My mom visited us in Melbourne back in 2014, so we didn't feel the need to do a whole lot of sightseeing or touring this time around. Also it's summer here - unfortunately Arden hates hot weather, so we try not to go out on especially warm days. But we were able to plan a few excursions, such as visiting the department store Myer to pick up a new toy for Arden, and going out for brunch during one of the less-hot mornings.

out for brunch!

My mom was more than happy to watch the baby while Ben and I got some much-needed alone time. Before my mom's visit, Arden wasn't taking a bottle and we were nervous that she never would (mostly because we really really wanted to watch Star Wars Episode VII spoiler-free, and movie dates are too long to risk leaving the baby without milk). But my mom was able to work her magic on the second day of her visit, and Arden proved her bottle-taking proficiency on several occasions! Although we have yet to see if she'll take one from either of us...

prior to mom's visit. the look on Arden's face says it all...

It felt weird for both of us to leave Arden at home, which is silly because my mother is probably a hundred times more capable of taking care of a baby than I am. I guess I felt more guilty than anything, that I was away from Arden and actually felt happy about it. But - aside from a dentist appointment, a haircut and a short run - I haven't had a true break from the baby in two months. I've earned my time away!

on our way to dinner. dinner! alone!!

Ben and I excitedly went on several dates throughout the week - a few meals, a trip up the Eureka Skydeck before our year membership expired, and of course - The Force Awakens! I have to admit, I started bawling during the movie's opening crawl, thinking "We made it to Star Wars! I can still enjoy myself at a movie!" and then proceeded to think mostly about the baby throughout the entire thing. I guess you can't escape that nagging motherly instinct, not even in a galaxy far, far away...

the Force was with us!!

at the Eureka Skydeck. we had coupons for free "Edge experiences" where we got to see Melbourne directly under our feet. yikes. 

New Year's Day is one of my favourite holidays (I love the reflection/foreshadowing aspects that some cultures emphasise) and it was really special to spend the end of 2015/beginning of 2016 with not only our new baby, but also my mother. This year's holiday was probably the most low-key NYEve I've had since middle school. Ben and I stayed up after putting Arden to bed, with grand ambitions of enjoying a beer/pear cider and toasting to midnight... but, as all you parents would know - we didn't quite make it. We gave up at 11pm, fell into bed and were woken up at midnight by the official fireworks display that takes place a few blocks over. "happynewyearrrr," I grumbled to Ben, rolled over and fell right back to sleep. If this year's celebration is any foreshadowing of the coming year, we're both going to be super tired - but very happy and surrounded by loved ones.

My mom's week-long visit went by way too fast, but I am so grateful that she was able to meet baby Arden, give us a break from constantly holding her, and relay some baby care advice she learned from raising me and my brother. There's something really special about taking care of your child while hearing stories about yourself as a baby. According to my mom, the way Arden feeds (happily and noisily) is similar to how my brother once did, and she has tiny feet like me! Nobody really knows where her furious energy comes from though, since Ben and I are pretty chill...

treasuring every moment together.

I'm glad that my mom and Arden already share a special bond, and it was really hard for us to say goodbye. Australia seems further away with every passing week and every baby milestone. While we're glad that technology has made it possible and easy for us to keep in touch with everyone... nothing takes the place of holding a baby, rocking her to sleep and seeing her smile in the midst of a dream.

Thanks for visiting, mom. We hope Arden remembers this visit with her Ahma, and that she gets to see you again really soon!

three generations of women.

CK