penshurst.

Welcome to Penshurst.

One of Ben's job sites is in this teeny tiny town (population of 461 at the last census), and I decided to accompany him on the drive. He dropped me off in the middle of the town centre, with the idea that I might find a cozy cafe or park bench to chill at for a few hours. But the second he drove away, I instantly felt terrified of everything around me. In an imaginative, mysterious way, though. I flipped to some Ellie Goulding on my iPod and wandered the streets, pretending I was in a dystopian young adult novel.

here's Johnny! 

I'm sure Penshurst is a wonderful town to live, work and hang out in during the weekdays - I spent the later hours of a Saturday afternoon in town, which is probably a time for locals to relax at home with family, away from the city streets of abandoned buildings and mosquitos. There were a few general stores open, and a Volcanic Discovery Centre which I passed over (that's more of Ben's thing), but nothing that really interested me. Except for the botanic gardens.

From the outside, it looks like a regular old garden, like the ones I've been to in Melbourne and Geelong.

But then...

I'm not sure if I'll be back to visit Penshurst again. 

But I do recommend that garden. 

You should go.

I DARE YOU.

CK

my first trip to manila: ben's reflections.

a Philippine horse-drawn carriage, or calesa

I finally had the opportunity to take my first trip to Asia, and it was definitely one to remember.  I don’t think I’ve ever eaten so much amazing food over the course of a single weekend, but I loved every second of it!  We went out for Filipino food, Singaporean cuisine, had multiple rounds of homemade Chinese, and finished it all off with the yummy Halo-Halo dessert Candice mentioned in her blog.  And that was just the first day!  It was truly a wonderful food-filled trip.

My first impression upon our arrival in Manila was the apparent lack of road rules.  Cars seemed to change lanes on a whim; often creating their own lanes, regardless of what the white paint on the ground would have suggested was the appropriate lane for them to be in.  Locals on motorcycles veered in and out of traffic, especially when it came to a stop (which it often did), and they somehow managed to squeeze through gaps that I don’t think I would have felt comfortable walking through.  I could go on, but a few of the “highlights” included a woman riding on the back of a motorcycle holding a baby haphazardly with one arm while it dangled off to her side, the constant use of the car horn to indicate all kinds of things that I didn’t understand, and this truck:

everybody all at once now.

Speaking of driving, Manila is home to a large collection of diverse and colourful Jeepneys, which were originally constructed from U.S. military jeeps left over from WWII.  Since that time, they have become the most popular mode of public transport in the Philippines, and are also considered a national symbol of Philippines culture.  And they are indeed everywhere.  I was delighted by them, especially because of the diverse painted decorations ranging from Spider-Man to Jesus Christ and everything in between.  Here are a few pics of some of the ones we saw:

I also encountered my first squatting toilet in the airport in Singapore.  That was interesting, and although I was tempted, I decided against trying one out.  Maybe next time…

I’m not sure if it was because it was my first trip to Asia and they wanted to really impress me, or it was simply business as usual for when any family come to visit, but the entire trip was akin to being treated like royalty.  We stayed in the 3rd floor suite of our Aunt and Uncle’s beautiful home, which also included a coy pond and the most delicious fresh fruit I’ve ever had.  We were pampered with an in-house massage one evening, and each day enjoyed a freshly made juice consisting of four or five different fruits.  As if that wasn’t enough, we spent an afternoon at a Water Spa that included different acupuncture stations and four different therapeutic spas with each one including some element such as lavender, jasmine or mint.  After working 6 days a week for the past few months, it was just the kind of treatment my tired body needed, and I was extremely grateful for how the family helped me feel at home.

hanging out with one of cousin Ellyce's pet turtles

our aunt and uncle's beautiful home

My favourite part of our trip was being officially welcomed into the family through the traditional “welcome son-in-law” banquet.  As far as I understand, the tradition is celebrated within much of the Chinese culture, with each family having their own unique take on it, and serves as a formal way to welcome a new son-in-law into the family through a formal gathering of all the members of the family (or at least all who can attend).  It is also tradition for this ceremony to occur within the first year of marriage, which was another influence for the timing of our trip, to ensure we could make it to Manila within the year.  I’m not sure the exact total of all the family that was present, but I’d guess around 50 or so, including a few honoured guests that aren’t related by blood or marriage, but are still considered to be part of the family.  Many of the family present I had not yet met, which meant I was doing the rounds to talk with all of my new aunts, uncles, cousins and their many adorable babies.  I enjoyed partaking of all the amazing food including my first Peking Duck, which was the main event and another tradition of the ceremony.  It was delicious, and I could see visible relief on the faces of those gathered when I said so, making me wonder what would’ve happened if it had been more similar to my experience eating chicken feet.  I felt truly honoured by the support of all those who had gathered, and am incredibly grateful to be part of such a supportive and welcoming family.

one of the tables at our "welcome son-in-law" reception

meeting and hanging out with more family

Although my welcome ceremony was a big deal, the featured family gathering of our trip was Candice’s Grandmother’s 96th birthday party!  Amah (what Candice calls her Grandmother) has been in poor health for the past few months, so it was truly a blessing for me to be able to see her again and celebrate her birthday with so much of the family.  I knew going in that it would be a big deal, as I’ve seen pictures and some video of prior birthday celebrations, which often include singing and stage performances from various members of the family.  Although this celebration may have been a bit more low-key than others, it still included a time of singing Amah’s favourite hymns, a giant feast, and lots and lots and lots of pictures.  There were pictures of everyone gathered, pictures of Amah with her children, pictures of Amah with her grandchildren, pictures of Amah with each separate family, and so on.  Each transition of family members was like a well-oiled machine as they’ve obviously had lots of practice over the years.

wait, the hymns are in chinese?

Despite the celebratory nature of the birthday party, it was sad to see Amah in her current condition.  When I first met her a few years ago, she was in the middle of a long tour across the US to visit a bunch of her children and grandchildren.  Even though she had a full time caretaker with her, she was able to get around incredibly well considering she was in her early 90’s.  Unfortunately her body has gone through a lot since that time, as she now has trouble speaking and is confined to a bed or wheelchair.  So you can imagine how touching it was to gather around her with the rest of the family singing hymns, celebrating another year of her incredible life, and having her most clear words of the weekend be to tell us that she loves us.  Those were beautiful moments that I will treasure and remember for the rest of my life.

with Amah back in 2010

taking Amah to the Mother's Day church service

It’s pretty incredible being part of such a large and diverse family.  I now have relatives spread throughout most of the world, and even though I’ve met a lot of the family through the years and a bunch more on this trip, I think it’s still only about half of the overall total.  After experiencing the large gatherings of a small portion of the family in Manila, I can only imagine what it’ll be like when all of them are gathered together.  One thing I know for sure: I won’t be going hungry!

BK

a weekend in manila: candice's reflections

Back in February, my Amah (Chinese for "grandmother" in the family dialect) was having some serious health problems, and it was looking like she might pass within a week or two. Ben and I looked into the possibility of making a quick trip to the Philippines for her memorial. Fortunately, Amah pulled through, and we decided to plan a trip to visit Manila for her 96th birthday this month.

Some brief family history: my maternal grandparents were both born in China and moved to the Philippines, where they met while working as journalists. They got married and had nine children - two boys, seven girls (my mother is the youngest). Most of my extended family is currently spread throughout the Philippines and North America, and it's been many years since we've had a full reunion. But whenever a large group of us has the opportunity to get together, it's a great time. My family and I used to visit the Philippines more often when my brother and I were children, so I have many fun memories - playing games with my cousins, hiking and horseback riding in Baguio City, various family celebrations that sometimes seem more like extravagant theatre productions... Anyway, I hadn't been back since 2000, so I was pretty excited to return to Manila and experience it as an adult traveler. 

little me, with my grandparents and cousin Tim.

Our visit served multiple purposes: Celebrating Amah's birthday, Mother's Day, Ben's first trip to the Philippines (and Asia, in general), and a time for welcoming him into the family as a new son-in-law. We were only in Manila for four days, but we had a pretty full itinerary - mostly revolving around food, of course. We ate at many amazing restaurants (everyone was very impressed with Ben's willingness to try different dishes and cuisines, which is ironic because he's usually so picky with American food!) - including a trip to Razon's for some halo-halo, a popular Filipino dessert. 

hanging out with the family at my grandma's house.

the head table at the "welcome son-in-law" lunch reception. 

halo-halo selfie. beat that, Ellen!

We attended a Mother's Day church service with the family, and visited my grandfather's memorial. 

Amah still loves going to services.

my grandfather's memorial 

Amah's birthday party was a beautiful celebration which included a buffet-style dinner, singing her favourite hymns, and wearing different shades of red (a colour of joy and celebration in the Chinese tradition). 

family.

singing hymns

birthday buffet.

representing the Shangkuan/Surjana/Kortlever family.

The weekend went by quickly, and was a bittersweet occasion: it was a time of celebration, but it's probably the last time we'll get to see my grandma. Unfortunately, I never had a close relationship with any of my grandparents (location, cultural differences... also, my maternal family is huge: I am one of 26 grandchildren!) - but it was still hard for me to see Amah in her ailing condition, and it brought back childhood memories I have of my grandparents when they were healthy. My grandmother has lived a very long and prosperous life, and I am grateful that I have been able to see her multiple times over the years.

It was fun catching up with relatives I haven't seen in a long time, reminiscing about the past: dance routines with cousins and funny childhood stories, older cousins that remember me as a toddler... and cousins' children I remember from their infancy (yes, I am now the Older Relative that says to teenagers: "the last time I saw you, you were just a baaaaby!" but I don't pinch anyone's cheeks. yet). Many inquired about when we will be reproducing, and one of my cousins kept offering Ben a chance to practice changing her baby's diaper. Sorry guys, but children are a long way off for us...

"practicing" with adorable baby Franz

Also, I got to spend Mother's Day with my own mother (which doesn't happen very often), and she got to spend it with her mother too, which is pretty awesome. I missed having my dad and brother around, although we made sure to FaceTime with them every day.

During the long plane ride(s) back to Melbourne, it felt very strange to be heading "home" to a country so far away from any place I've called home in the past. It was the first time in six months that we had seen any family in person, and even though I haven't officially lived in the Philippines (5 months as a toddler doesn't really count, does it?), it's definitely one of the places that I would consider a home of some sort. And I was sad to leave.

It was great to be home for a little while, to celebrate many joyful occasions, to spend time with our family...

and even though goodbyes are sad, I'm thankful for the chance to say them. 

CK