Washington 2016 - Ben's Reflections

Since moving to Australia, I’ve taken a trip home to Washington every summer to visit friends and family (and escape Melbourne in the winter).  This year, after a long 8.5 months (especially long for all the family that was waiting to meet her), we took another trip to Washington to introduce Arden to my family (and also so Candice could enjoy her first trip back to Washington since we moved).  It was a long journey, but it was worth it to see everyone light up when they first laid eyes on Arden.

We spent the first part of our trip on Whidbey Island, where I grew up, and enjoyed our time there settling in, relaxing with family, and enjoying some beautiful walks around Honeymoon Lake, South Whidbey State Park and Langley.  For the second part of our visit we stayed with my sister Lindsay in town, which made it easier to connect with friends and visit some of our favourite places likes Edmonds and Kerry Park.  We even walked by The Loft, the bar where Candice and I first met.

hanging out at Dad's house.

where it all began!

It was a surreal experience seeing my family interacting with Arden.  Other than my other sister Saralyn’s visit in May, all of my family’s relationship with Arden has been through FaceTime and pictures.  I was really excited to see how they would interact with her, how she would react to each of them, and how I would feel.  Unfortunately it took Arden quite a while to warm up to anyone, and sadly it was laughter that would make her the most upset, so my parents had to keep their distance at first otherwise Arden would burst into tears whenever they laughed.  It was the last thing I wanted for our visit, especially as Arden is at such a fun age where she smiles and laughs a lot, and I wanted my family to experience that side of Arden.  Fortunately her nervousness wore off eventually, and I was able to enjoy seeing my family bouncing her and kissing her chubby cheeks!

family photoshoot!

Arden and her cousins.

me and my sisters, being awesome as usual.

I think it was a pretty unique experience for my family to see me as a father for the first time too.  Like my Dad commenting on how strange it was to hear the fun voice I used when talking or reading to Arden, and having to remind myself that they hadn't seen me in this new role of parent before.  One of the highlights of the trip for me was seeing Arden take naps on both my Mom and Dad during our visit, as it was something I hoped that they would get to experience. I also wanted the family to get a sense for who Arden is and experience her personality first hand, just as I wanted her to know about the rest of her family, and I felt throughout our trip the love that they all have for Arden, and it was a wonderful feeling.

four generations, part 1

four generations, part 2

Arden snuggling with her Mimi after a nap.

Our visit was over way too soon, but I’m so grateful for all the memories and fun times we had with everyone.  Whether it was taking time off work, driving long distances or being in hundreds of pictures, our family and friends made us feel special and showed Arden so much love.  I can’t wait until we are all together again.

-BK



Washington - July 2016 from Candice Kortlever on Vimeo.

Hawaii 2016 - Candice's Reflections

researching our vacation destination with Totoro.

Last year when Arden was a newborn, my family and I had discussed a few different options for a family reunion. My brother Gabriel isn't able to travel too far (he gets very sick on airplanes), so hosting them in Melbourne wasn't an option. A visit to Grand Rapids, Michigan would have been wonderful, but four flights with an infant sounded like a huge hassle for a relatively short trip.

Ultimately we decided to meet "halfway" for a relaxing destination reunion in Honolulu, Hawaii. It would be an equally significant journey for everyone, but worth it for the beautiful scenery and warm weather (especially for us, as July is the middle of winter in Melbourne).

In a nutshell, Arden traveled well - babies are relatively easy fliers, especially compared to toddlers and antsy children. But from the moment we landed in Honolulu, she totally fell apart. The combination of international travel, brand new experiences (her first taxi ride was more traumatic than her infant immunisations...) and the sudden season reversal took its toll on her. For the entire U.S. trip she was very anxious and not her usual cheerful and happy self, immediately reverting back to her terrible 5-month old sleeping habits. But carrying Arden for all her naps was actually more convenient for our travel situation, so it all worked out just fine!

We rented a two-bedroom condo with a gorgeous view from every angle. Being on the 30th floor meant spectacular views, especially of Diamond Head... but it also meant a not-so-spectacular experience when the hotel fire alarm went off one night and we all had to evacuate down - and back up - 30 flights of stairs!

Ben and I enjoying some downtime on the balcony

My parents were more than willing to take care of Arden as much as they could - especially my mom, who always wanted to hold and play with her. Ben and I took advantage of the free babysitting by going on some beautiful hikes during the day, including Koko Head Crater and of course, Diamond Head. (for more details and photos, see Ben's blog entry!)

at the top of Koko Head Crater, with Honolulu at my feet.

Vacations with my family are usually packed full of activities (my mother is kind of a super-planner), but we really held back on this trip since we didn't know how Arden would travel. But for a trip with no agenda, we sure did a lot of fun things! Some major highlights included a Luau for Ben's 32nd birthday and brunch at the Disney Aulani resort with some familiar characters.

Ben's birthday luau

meeting Minnie Mouse at Aulani Disney resort!

It was so wonderful to finally introduce Arden to Gabe, her namesake (her middle name Brie comes from the name Gabriel). He is so thrilled to be an uncle, and throughout the trip he fondly patted her head and chatted excitedly to her. In return, she conveniently rested her foot on him whenever he was nearby. 

Gabe is the best uncle!

Gabe and Arden all dressed up for the 4th of July

Arden wasn't too fond of being held by my dad, but she loved smiling at him around the condo. It was very sweet, and I've never seen her smile so much! And even though it's been a while since my mom's first time meeting Arden, she took almost every nap snuggled on my mom's shoulder.

Our family vacation in Hawaii was a wonderful experience, and I'm grateful that we got to make some awesome memories. Despite Arden's difficulty adjusting to the new environment and people, it was worth it to see her happily interacting with her uncle, being held by her grandparents, and wearing all the cute Hawaiian outfits my mom bought her.

The end of the trip was pretty bittersweet. While I was emotional and sad to part ways with my family, on the other hand I was excited to see Ben's family in Seattle, looking forward to the second half of our trip.

I guess it's one of the aspects of having a family scattered around the globe. As my mother often says of her own experience with international family, "you're always saying goodbye to someone".

But on the other hand, we're always saying hello to someone, too. And that's not a bad thing at all.

CK

Hawaii - July 2016 from Candice Kortlever on Vimeo.

Hawaii 2016 - Ben's Reflections

I love Hawaii.  I love the natural beauty, from the jagged mountains to the scenic beaches and lush greenery, but I also love the vibrant culture that makes it feel distinctly different from any other state in the U.S.  I’ve been fortunate enough to visit twice before, to the islands of Maui and Kauai, but this was my first trip to the popular tourist destination of Waikiki on Oahu.  It was also the first time Arden would get to meet Candice’s dad and her brother Gabe, which made our holiday even more special.

The first day we arrived in Hawaii felt like the longest day of my life, and made for a rough start to our vacation.  After a red-eye flight from Melbourne to Honolulu, where I didn’t sleep at all, we had almost an entire day to wander around Waikiki before the hotel could free up the room for us to check in.  So there we were, the first day of our long awaited vacation, with the beach a short walk away and the sun shining, and all we wanted to do was collapse in bed and sleep.  We had a very grumpy Arden, we felt disgusting from a day spent travelling, we couldn’t unpack or settle in, and yet we were in paradise.  We made the most of our time despite being exhausted, and it ended up being a great day, especially when Candice’s family arrived that evening, but the worst was yet to come.

post red-eye flight, pre bedtime-meltdown.

That night we attempted to put Arden down to sleep according to her routine at home.  It was a disaster.  She was screaming and inconsolable in a way we had never experienced before, and even once we finally managed to calm her down it wasn’t until late in the night when she finally fell asleep (in bed with Candice, while I slept in the other room).  Would we ever get to experience a normal night of sleep on our vacation?  The answer ended up being no, but we survived.

Thankfully the second day brought much improved spirits for all of us, thanks to a bit of sleep and finally being able to appreciate our surroundings.  The condo we stayed in had an incredible view looking directly at Diamond Head, while we also had a stunning view of the Ko’olau Range from our bedroom.  We were 2 streets away from Waikiki Beach, a 5 minute walk from the Honolulu Zoo, and were surrounded by tons of great restaurants and shops along Kalakaua Avenue.

the view from our balcony...

...and the view from our bedrooms.

The first few days of our visit were all about giving Arden time to reconnect with her Amah, and introducing Arden to her Angkong (Chinese word for grandfather) and Uncle Gabe.  She was quite sensitive and shy around the family at first, but thankfully we had plenty of time together for her to get over her shyness and allow everyone to hold her.  We also took lots of strolls along the beach and boulevard, went out for delicious meals, visited the Honolulu Zoo, and took Arden for her first dip in the pool.

watching the sunset on Waikiki beach

After a few days relaxing and exploring around Waikiki on foot, we rented a van and travelled around the island.  We made a trek to visit the Disney Aulani resort for an incredible brunch, went to an excellent Luau for my birthday, and visited the massive Ala Moana mall.

meeting Mickey at the Disney Aulani resort

all dressed up for my birthday Luau!

The biggest highlight of the trip though was Arden’s dedication, which we had at First Presbyterian Church, nestled at the foot of the Ko’olau Range.  It was breathtaking, and such a beautiful, intimate ceremony.  Candice also had the great idea of hiring a professional photographer to capture the moment, and to take some shots of Arden with the family.  The pictures turned out excellent, and we are so grateful to have them to remember that special day.

 

Over the last few days of the trip, with Arden finally fully settled in to her new surroundings, Candice and I were able to go off on our own for some hiking adventures.  Our first hike was by far the more difficult of the two, a hike straight up the side of Koko Crater along an old railroad line (1,048 "steps").  It was steep, slippery, and narrow, and we had to stop constantly along the way to catch our breath.  The view from the top was excellent though, looking over Koko Head, Makapu’U Point, and back towards Diamond Head and Honolulu. It was also wonderful to get out and experience a bit of time in nature.

Koko Head Crater

the "shaka" - when in Hawaii..!

The next day we walked up Diamond Head, which was a much more popular and much more relaxed hike.  While I preferred the quiet beauty of Koko Crater, Diamond Head was a more interesting hike, especially the section where we were walking through a tunnel in the mountain as we reached the summit, and the views of Honolulu were excellent.  The summit also had the remains of an old military lookout, which we were able to wander inside.

Diamond Head

Our last day in Hawaii we went to Angkong’s cousin’s house for dinner before our red-eye flight to Seattle.  It was actually quite close to the church where we had Arden’s dedication, and featured excellent views of the mountains.  They also had a garden filled with bananas, papaya, avocado, pomegranate, tiny adorable pineapples and many other fruits.  It was so kind of them to open their home to us, and was a wonderful way to wrap up our excellent trip.

visiting Candice's dad's cousins

beautiful views, and fruits grown directly from their back yard!

We are so thankful for all the time we had in Hawaii.  It was full of laughter, great food, beautiful scenery, perfect weather, and of course lots of time for the family to snuggle with and get to know Arden.  Thanks to Amah, Angkong and Uncle Gabe for making the trek out to Hawaii, for making all the arrangements for our visit, and for all the great memories!

-BK

Hawaii - July 2016 from Candice Kortlever on Vimeo.

why I dress Arden in pink. and blue. (and other colours too.)

Sometimes people are surprised that Arden is a girl, especially when I don't dress her head-to-toe in pink outfits. Just the other day at library sing-along time, a few mothers asked me how old my "son" was - because she was dressed in a grey bodysuit with a white jacket. "It's a boy, right?" Well, not necessarily...

When I was pregnant last year, Ben and I decided to keep the baby's sex a secret for a long time. Why? Because 1) keeping secrets is so much fun in an oversharing society, and 2) I did not want my newborn child to be born into an exclusively pink and ruffly wardrobe, on the off chance we might have a girl (as we did). I wanted to dress my baby in a wide variety of colours (or, a so-called "gender-neutral" wardrobe), and I knew it would be a lot more achievable if we didn't tell anyone what the baby's sex was.

Take modern traditions such as engagement rings and bridal parties, for example. They were born out of random things like advertisement campaigns and attempts to confuse the evil spirits, but now they've become what we're used to without question. And so it is with the notion of pink-for-girls and blue-for-boys. There's no biological reason for girls to wear pink and boys to wear blue. It's just one of those random societal norms, an assumption, another way to easily categorise humans from the moment they're born.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not totally against dressing girl babies in pink, or boy babies in blue. I happily and graciously dress Arden in the pink outfits from our families and friends. But I think it's just kind of weird how society pushes these labels on people, so early on in their little lives.

When I was a child, I was always drawn to what society called "boy stuff". I wanted the "boy" toys in my McDonald's Happy Meals. I wanted to wear primary and dark colours, not pastels with ruffles at the collar. I did not want to wear dresses or heels. I sometimes played with dolls and wore pink hand-me-downs that were comfortable, but I was always more drawn to superhero and sporty stuff. Even now I occasionally buy clothes from the men's section because I prefer their styles. I'll wear bright colours and dresses when I feel like it, but I don't want my outfits to be limited by my gender.

So, I try to dress Arden in "neutral" colours - or just stuff that I like - because I'm her mother and I spend the most time looking at her throughout the day. I also like to dress her in outfits that are functional and comfortable from what I can tell. In my experience, lacy ruffles around the neck and flowery headbands are not comfortable. We dress her in those things every now and then (usually for her ten-minute monthly photoshoots), but definitely not for everyday wear.

Also. I don't think it's fair that girl-babies are socially linked to pink and sometimes purple, while boy-babies get all the other colours of the rainbow. And colours aside, I find it ludicrous that boys are associated with trucks and dinosaurs, while girls get Frozen and ballet. Girls love trucks and dinosaurs. And it goes both ways. The last time I checked, there are great male characters in Frozen; also, boys and grown men alike can be ballet dancers, and they're pretty freakin' good at it too.

If we decide to have another baby and it happens to be a boy, I will probably dress him in Arden's hand-me-downs, "girly" or not. Whether they be pink or purple or blue or grey, they are baby clothes and they look adorable on babies. Arden has a pair of pants with ballet slipper socks attached to them, and I will dress all my children in them, because leggings with socks attached to them are a no-brainer (fact: babies love kicking off their socks).

loooove these ballet-slipper pants.

I have no idea what Arden will want to wear when she gets older, but I want to encourage her to dress however she wants (as long as it's weather/event appropriate etc), and not just because it comes from the "girl" section at the store. If she wants to wear superhero hoodies, that's fine. If she wants to wear princess pajamas, that's fine too.

There is plenty of time for society to put labels on Arden. We'll get to those moments when we get to them. But for now, while she's young and untouched from all the micro-aggressions and tainted language and political/religious agendas and gendered stereotypes...

I just want to dress my little girl in a Batman shirt and take a billion pictures of her because she looks so darn cute in it.

And. What child doesn't love Batman? I sure did.

CK

7.5 months and wintertime.

Arden is now 7.5 months old, and - dare I say it? - things have been feeling much more manageable these days.

Sleep training was really the game-changer for us. For the first five months, she either needed to feed to sleep (and keep feeding...), or be carried and bounced around the house for her naps. She wasn't sleeping well, I wasn't sleeping well, and Ben had moved into the guest room (and was also "not sleeping well," he would complain to me! ha!). A few weeks before Saralyn and Amare's visit, we decided that enough was enough and began sleep training her at 5.5 months. The transition wasn't painless, but definitely worth it in the long run. We can now put her in the crib awake, she eventually falls asleep for reasonable stretches of time, and she wakes up happy. Also because we get a break, we're now able to give her more attention during her awake-time. Everyone wins! She still wakes up to feed three times a night, but it's still such an improvement from how things used to be.

solids: the next challenge.

I found this to be really fascinating though: our friends and family in the USA thought we began sleep training way too late... while Ben's Australian coworkers thought five months was way too early to start. I'm guessing this is partly due to the differences in maternity leave and social attitudes towards birth. It's common for Australian mothers to take up to a year of leave, while in the States, mothers usually go back to work only a few weeks/months after giving birth. Because of this, many American babies are kind of forced into a routine much earlier. And come to think of it, we might never have started sleep training her if it wasn't for my intensive class...

Also - winter is now upon us! Brrrr. As I've mentioned before, Melbourne winter isn't as dreary as Washington, or as eternally cold as Michigan. But we've acclimated to Victorian winters, and they feel cold to us. At least we finally get to dress Arden in some adorable colder-weather gear though! You can't get much cuter than a baby in an animal ear hoodie.

We finally caved and bought an oil heater for our bedroom (Ben and I had gotten by without one for the past two winters by huddling under the covers, but we can't really do that with Arden). And then we had to buy a humidifier, because heaters make the air really dry. Combined with the other contraptions we've recently bought (a white noise machine, baby monitor, etc...) we now have what seems like the entire inventory of a Brookstone store in our bedroom.

It's also really nice to know that Arden is capable of taking a bottle (even though she'll usually just wait for me to get home, as we learned during my intensive class). We finally felt comfortable enough to leave Arden with some friends while we went to see X-Men: Apocalypse! (Side note: I felt a little self-conscious about dressing up/cosplaying as mutant Jubilee for a movie that's already been out for a month. But on the walk to the cinema, we started spotting some familiar characters. Marvin the Martian, Waldo, Pikachu... and then we realised that it was OzCon weekend at the Melbourne Convention & Exhibition Centre! I blended right in.)

30 going on 13.

Even though a part of me misses newborn-baby Arden, 7-month old Arden is a lot of fun to be around. She smiles often at both of us (still loves to stare our friends down, though), can relax a lot longer in her stroller before having a meltdown, and loves to play stereotypical baby "games" like peekaboo and airplane. She even recently lasted for three hours (three! hours!) while I met a friend at a coffeehouse, sitting quietly in my lap, taking in the conversation.

baby's first high tea and Queen's Birthday holiday. aren't we the best parents? and yes, I MADE THOSE COOKIES!

We're now gearing up for a visit to the States next month! We'll first be meeting up with my family in Hawaii, a destination we picked due to its close(r) location to us (sorry Michiganders! Grand Rapids is four flights away from Melbourne - not ideal for babies...) and because it's, well, Hawaii. We'll then spend time in Washington with Ben's family, also hoping to see some friends and beloved places we've missed. It'll be a busy trip, but definitely worthwhile! We're excited, a little nervous (flying and traveling with children is just one of those things), but mostly we can't wait for the rest of our families to meet our little girl.

And to experience some warmer weather. We're looking forward to that, too.

CK

winter wonderland.