going back to grand rapids.

I'm back in cold and rainy Melbourne, after a wonderful holiday to visit my family in warm, sunny... Grand Rapids, Michigan?

That sounds so, so weird.

But it's true! The weather in the Midwest was amazing throughout my trip, although apparently the summertime temperatures had only arrived shortly before I did.

sibling selfie.

It was a pretty long journey comprised of four flights (Melbourne --> Sydney --> L.A. --> Detroit --> GR). I'm one of those strange creatures who usually loves flying and hanging out at airports, but spending a combination of 22+ hours on a plane was not very comfortable with a growing belly. It was totally worth it, though. And the timing worked out perfectly, as my trip was sandwiched between the last day of my winter class and the first day of a new internship.

Contrary to popular belief, my visit had nothing to do with the pregnancy - we'd booked the tickets way before baby K was even in blastocyst form. But my visit ended up being a really fun opportunity to finally announce my pregnancy, online and in person. I thought it would be hilarious to surprise a few friends by showing up to lunch dates without trying to hide a thing... although in retrospect it was probably a bit awkward for them, as my "baby bump" is still within a questionable range of "is she growing a fetus or did she just eat one too many kangaroo burgers..?"

It was also nice to share the pregnancy announcements in the company of my family, since they won't be around for many of the baby's early milestones. My brother lovingly rubbed my belly nonstop throughout my visit, and I enjoyed talking with my mother about her pregnancies, shopping with her for a few baby items and looking at old photos of myself as an angry adorable infant.

Gabe is so excited to become an uncle!

I don't have too many friends left in GR (ironically many of them have moved to the Pacific Northwest), but I was able to see a few who still live nearby: lunch dates with Lori and Sean and Sarah M, a lovely adventure through downtown Chicago with Sarah VP, and I even got to visit Sara B, who spent a week with us in Melbourne last year! And by wonderful coincidence my best friend Kathleen and her family happened to be in town for a series of weddings. I was able to hang out with her playful and imaginative toddler and meet her brand new precious baby.

friend-dates!

I really enjoy life in Melbourne, but we still don't know that many people and it can feel pretty lonely at times. So for the 10 days I was in Grand Rapids, it was nice to be surrounded by familiar faces and places. Some things may have changed in the area, but not the ability to run into random friends and acquaintances at restaurants and stores!

I hadn't set foot on American soil since our move in November 2013, so naturally I was craving some good old American food. I visited all my favourite restaurants (Olga's Kitchen! Mongolian Barbeque! even the exotic cuisine at Olive Garden!), kept a gallon of cherry ice cream in my parents' fridge, and generously dumped butter topping all over our popcorn when we went to the movies. I also made a stop at Meijer's to stock up on toiletries and other things that are either super expensive or hard to find down under (toothbrushes, makeup, loofah sponges, even a pack of coveted dryer sheets).

buttery popcorn!

stir-fry at Mongolian BBQ

As a bonus, I got to see my mother perform at DeVos Hall with the Grand Rapids Symphony. I greatly admire her as an artist and director, so it's always a real treat to be able to see her in her element when I'm visiting. I'm hoping that someday when our baby is old enough to enjoy concerts, we'll be able to visit GR during the Christmas season so we can expose him/her to the joys of Midwestern blizzards attend my mom's winter performances, such as the Festival of Lessons and Carols - and of course the legendary Holiday Pops concert!

the GR Symphony at the NPM national conference

backstage with mom!

Even though I'm pushing 30 and have lived on my own for many years, it was a nice change of pace to feel... kind of like a child again. To take a short family road trip to Chicago, visit the Meijer Gardens, spend an afternoon at the beach, and I can't remember the last time we all went to the movies together (we saw "Inside Out," a totally appropriate movie for the occasion if there ever was one).

hanging out at the Grand Haven beach

swimming at the Amway Grand pool

at the Frederik Meijer Gardens

Don't get me wrong, Ben was definitely missed during my trip. We texted, e-mailed and used FaceTime when we could (like on his birthday, which I missed -- sorry Ben!). But I think that if he had joined me this time around, it would have been a completely different visit. We would have had to spend less time in GR in order to also visit his family in the Pacific Northwest. It would have been super fun - but also a bit chaotic, trying to schedule in as many visits and events in a shorter amount of time.

And selfishly, I enjoyed the opportunity to be just a family of four again, probably for the last time. Marriage may shift a family structure in many ways - but babies totally change everything, forever. It'll be a good change, and I'm very excited to bring a new life into both of our families. But a familiar, childhood-like family environment is something people rarely get to relive, especially after the big life transitions. I'm so very grateful that I had one last opportunity to revel in my old family life, even if just for a few fleeting moments.

at the Navy Pier in Chicago

Thanks for a great visit, family and friends in Grand Rapids. I hope to be back someday in the near future - next time with my baby (and my husband) in tow!

CK

until next time, Calder.

just a little update...

This would probably be a good time to tell everyone that we're expecting a baby.

For real!

22-week baby bump..!

Ben and I are very excited to become parents, and to finally share the news with everyone. These kinds of announcements usually call for a ton of questions (and answers), so I've compiled a little list of some of the most frequently-asked ones:

Baby Kortlever FAQ

When is the baby due?

The estimated due date is October 27. But at the moment I'm hoping it arrives on the later side, maybe in early November. You know, after finals week..?

Will the baby be an Australian citizen/receive dual citizenship?

Nope. It'll be born a pure American, like its mommy and daddy. In fact, after it's born it'll need to apply for its very own baby visa!

Unlike the US, Australia doesn't have birthright, or jus soli, citizenship. The only way baby Kortlever could be born an Australian citizen is if either Ben or I were Australian citizens ourselves, or if we became permanent residents before the baby's birth. We would like to gain permanent residency in the future (we can't apply until we've lived here for at least two years), in which case our baby will also become a PR. It makes sense, and it's fair. And at the very least our baby will get to fill out its college application forms with some impressive, yet complicated, stuff. (Sorry, sweetie! We really do love you...)

What are the differences between prenatal care in the US and Australia?

I've never been pregnant before, so it's all new to me! But from what I hear from friends and family, American prenatal care is a lot more hands-on. During my first trimester I only saw a general physician, who did one blood test on me at 5 weeks. No weight/blood pressure/etc. measurements, no physical exams at all. (My first obstetric appointment wasn't scheduled until week 18. Yikes.)

I wasn't 100% sure I was actually carrying a human child until I went in for my (optional) 13-week ultrasound. It was incredible. Our little fetus was just the size of a peach then, and already bouncing around, waving its little arms and touching its face. So cute! And kind of scary-looking from some angles. But mostly cute!

Of course, my experience with Melbourne's public hospital system isn't indicative of all of Australia. If we had gone the private hospital route (aka had a better visitor's insurance plan), or if my pregnancy was deemed "high-risk" I'm sure I would have received more prenatal care.

On a side note, Australian healthcare is pretty interesting. All citizens and permanent residents are covered by Medicare, but many people purchase their own private health insurance on top of it, for better access to private facilities. Our visitor's insurance plan covers most of what Medicare does (public health care with a small co-pay), except unfortunately we aren't eligible for things like free flu shots/vaccines like Permanent Residents/Citizens are. Bummer!

Do you have a nickname for the baby?

I've been telling people that I have a "mooncake in the oven" - like, a bun in the oven but with a Chinese pastry instead. Technically I should be calling it a "xiao bao" (which means "small bun" in Chinese) but it doesn't quite have the same ring to it. So, mooncake it is!

Boy or girl mooncake?

We're not planning on telling anyone until it's born! Mostly because I like being sneaky and secretive (and terrible). And because in this day and age - when big news is so often shared on-demand (and travels at lightening speed) - I think it's fun to rebel a bit.

As for what we're "hoping for", Ben already has three nephews, so it would be exciting to have the first baby girl on his family's side. But baby boys are so much fun, and they have better clothing options (kidding. kind of.) - we'd be thrilled with either! As long as it's perfectly well-behaved, delightful to be around, and sleeps exactly when it's supposed to...

Will Candice take leave from school?

Not if I can help it. If all goes as planned, I will only have one semester left of grad school to juggle alongside mommyhood. And not even a full semester, as I "overloaded" this past year with an extra winter class. Infant childcare might be a little tricky, as we have no family nearby, but we'll figure something out.

Baby K's due date coincides with the very beginning of the University's summer break, so I'll at least have a three month "maternity leave" before I'm back in class. It could always be worse - my mother began her Master's degree when I was a baby, got into her Doctorate program not too long after Gabriel was born, and worked through it all. I have no excuses!

Are you guys moving back to the States?

At the moment we have no set plans to move back to the US yet. We're here until I finish school at the very least (hopefully June 2016), and then we'll play it by ear. We do miss our family and friends way too much, even more so with a baby on the way. If it looks like we'll be living here for a few years more, we're thinking a family trip to the States could be fun. After all, babies fly free until age three on many airlines.

What was Candice's first pregnancy symptom?

Bawling, crying like a baby, sobbing...

after the Seahawks lost the Super Bowl.

Okay, so the timing is a bit of a stretch, and for many people in general it was a pretty emotional ending for a sporting event. But I'm still blaming it on pregnancy hormones. Because why else would I - me, Candice - be weeping at the end of a football game?? Hormones, I tell you.

___

Anyway, thanks to everyone for all the love and support! It's been quite the ride so far, and it's only getting crazier and more exciting with each month. We look forward to sharing the updates as they come!


CK

winter blues.

winter time.

It just occurred to me that we haven't blogged in over two months. Mostly because our ex-pat life has become very routine and kind of boring. In a good way, I suppose. Not much to write home about: work, school, spending weekends holed up in the apartment out of the winter cold.

Speaking of which, I feel very silly complaining about Melbourne's mild winters when I spent nine years in the chilly tundra of Michigan (snow and ice from October to April, pretty much). So here's an article that sort of explains why winter in Victoria is kind of awful.

I'm just getting over my very first Australian head cold, which was a bummer. Last year around this time we weren't even in Melbourne - we were still traveling around Portland and beyond, blasting the heat in our tiny hotel rooms. But this year I was kind of stubborn about turning on the apartment heater, and I guess that was a bad idea.

thank goodness they have Pho soup in Melbourne.

Also, I still can't get over the reverse seasons here. It's June, but it feels like the end of autumn and the beginning of the holiday season. On more than one occasion this month I've made myself a steaming cup of mint hot chocolate and turned on the Christmas music station on iTunes. And we may have watched "The Holiday" for fun. I mean, what's the point of winter if you can't celebrate the winter holidays?

Speaking of holidays, this past weekend we attended an American Thanksgiving party, complete with a giant turkey and homemade pies. It was pretty amazing.

so. wonderful.

What else is new... we're both gearing up for some trips "home" in the next two months. I'll be heading to Grand Rapids at the end of the month (my first time in the U.S. since the big move!) and Ben will visit Seattle at the end of July. It would be nice to do a multi-state trip together, eventually. But for now we've agreed that visiting our respective families separately just simplifies things a bit, and makes everything more fair for our families.

Anyway, we're both very excited to see everyone.

And we're looking forward to escaping the Melbournian winter for some (hopefully) nice American summer weather.

CK

p.s. Speaking of Grand Rapids, I spotted this shirt at Target in downtown Melbourne. Every clothing store usually has a bunch of apparel from American cities (always New York and LA, sometimes Miami, maaaybe Detroit) but this was pretty crazy...

easter at the prom and the dandenongs.

Easter weekend in Australia can best be summed up as a time when people throughout the country load up their cars and head off to one of many popular camping or vacation destinations to enjoy a long weekend.  In Victoria, this typically means one of the beach towns along the Great Ocean Road, Hall's Gap in the Grampians, or Wilsons Promontory (known to locals simply as The Prom).  Easter weekend is such a popular time to travel because Good Friday and Easter Monday are both holidays, and in Victoria at least, likely to be one of the last weekends with warmer weather before the chill of Autumn sets in.

In our time living in Melbourne, Candice and I have had the opportunity to visit many of the beautiful places throughout Victoria that many locals frequent, but one destination we had yet to visit was The Prom.  Through a combination of late planning (meaning all the rental cars in the city were sold out) and the kindness of our good friends, we were fortunate enough to be able to borrow a car for the long weekend (thanks again, Rick and Robyn!).  We then set about making plans for where we wanted to visit, and dug out my CD collection to provide the tunes for the trip (though we actually spent most of our ride listening to the random mix CDs in our friends' collection).

even on the highway, we get to see awesome artwork.

The first afternoon after picking up the car we decided to take a little road trip to Trentham Falls, located about an hour from Melbourne.  It is famous for being one of the highest single drop falls in Victoria, about 32 metres, which for comparison is about 50 metres less than Snoqualmie Falls in Washington State.  Despite the relatively modest height, it is quite spectacular due to the columnar basalt gorge that dominates the area from the viewing platform.  As we went at the end of summer, it was hard to tell if there was actually a waterfall due to the tiny trickle of water, but it is apparently quite impressive during the wet season.

not much water falling this time of year.

The next day we got up early and made the 3 hour drive to Wilsons Promontory National Park.  Our first destination was Squeaky Beach, so named because the rounded grains of quartz sand makes a squeaking sound when walked on.  It was delightful!  Not only does the sand squeak but it is also incredibly soft, which made it the perfect place to lay out in the sun and watch all the surfers.

watching the surfers and crazy waves.

After a long wait to get some lunch at the information centre, we made our way to the Darby Saddle trail.  The full trail is an all day hike that travels to Tongue Point, but we only had enough time to go halfway to Sparkes Lookout.  Much of the trail climbs gently through forest littered with small skinks (lizards found throughout Victoria).  After taking the short side trail to Sparkes Lookout we were greeted with incredible views of Norman Island, Great Glennie Island and Tongue Point.  It was a fantastic way to wrap up our day at The Prom.

panoramic view.

Sparkes Lookout.

For our final road trip, we took a short drive to the Dandenong Ranges National Park.  We had driven through the Dandenongs previously, but it seemed like a great place for a walk in the woods.  After a delicious breakfast of pancakes at a quaint restaurant in Sassafras, we made our way to William Ricketts Sanctuary on the recommendation of a helpful woman at the information centre.  The sanctuary is full of beautiful sculptures created by Australian William Ricketts, which depict his vision of a modern Australia that embraces Aboriginal spirituality and shows respect for their natural world.  Among the sculptures are towering mountain ash trees, the second tallest tree in the world behind only the redwoods of California.

mountain ash trees.

Following our stroll through the sanctuary, we headed to the southern section of the national park to take a walk through Sherbrooke Forest.  At the car park we were greeted by a large gathering of Rosellas that were being fed by picnickers, but didn't see any other wildlife on our walk despite this being a prime lyrebird habitat.  It was a beautiful walk through the trees, complete with a tiny waterfall, and a great way to end our weekend adventure.

pretty Rosella.

BK

pancakes.

siblings.

So, it's apparently siblings day - a holiday about love, laughter and warm childhood memories. But it's not marketed the same way as Mother's and Father's Day, so I usually kind of forget about it. Except for this year.

I have a sibling, a younger brother. When strangers ask about him, I give them the basics: he's 24, likes swimming and reading, only wears green unless it's a Chinese holiday and then he wears red like everyone else. The follow-up questions are usually about if we were close as children, or if we're still close now. And then I feel inclined to tell them another basic fact, that he has Down's Syndrome.

Siblings day makes me recall things buried inside my memory. Some were stories that make me feel warm and happy, and some made me feel sad in a nostalgic sort of way. Most of them made me reflect on my experiences as a sister, and as someone with a "special needs" sibling. 

Growing up, my brother meant the world to me. Before he was born, I more or less insisted that he was a boy (despite beliefs that the baby was a girl), and to my absolute joy, I was right! I became a big sister when I was five, and was so excited to finally have a sibling to play with and boss around. 

the good old days.

Of course, it was a little more complicated than that. Gabriel was born with an extra chromosome, and my parents told me that things would be "different." He didn't really seem that different to me, though. He was an adorable baby with the biggest smile and the most uninhibited, gut-wrenching laugh. It took him a while to learn how to walk, so he was really chubby and adorable for the longest time. The perfect little brother, really.

I loved making him laugh. Playing with him was often my reward for finishing my homework and piano practice. We would climb and jump on the delicate furniture, race around the house on a purple plastic tricycle, dance (very badly) to our favourite Disney soundtracks. We played so many games in the evenings - lots of hide and seek, which was always fun because whenever he found me (and yes, I usually scared him) he would shriek with decibels and delight. When it was his turn to hide, he would pick really obvious spots - I would pretend not to see him and make a dramatic act out of looking everywhere else, and he would giggle loudly from his top-secret hiding place. Classic.

We always had separate rooms, but I loved tucking him in at night, making him laugh hysterically with silly words and phrases, like "nincompoop!" and "petunia!" I still like to tuck him in when I'm home. We're past the silly words, but I can still make him laugh. And up until my high school days, Gabe would wake up in the middle of the night and crawl into bed with me. He was a great alarm clock (ever the morning person), even though his snoring could be hard to sleep through at times.

And then, you know, we grew up. I became one of those sulky teenager things, then moved out of the state shortly after college graduation. Gabe grew up, too, in his own way. He graduated from high school a few years ago, and currently goes to a community college-type place that assigns him work. A few years ago, he got really sick with Immune Thrombocytopenic Purpura (ITP), a disease that involves a low blood platelet count. Things have been hard for the family, and the recovery has taken a lot longer than expected, but Gabe has improved a lot, slowly but surely. My parents are great with him, keeping things organised, setting up weekly schedules with both fun and challenging activities, keeping a set routine that Gabe is comfortable and familiar with. Every time I visit my family, I am amazed at how smoothly everything is run.

Communication is challenging - Gabriel can talk, but not much, and it's difficult to have a conversation with him that doesn't feel mostly one-sided. (I should also add that I too have social hangups - not in the same way, but I am definitely not a talkative person, nor an engaging conversationalist even when it's necessary.) We video chat every now and then - it's usually a family affair, with my mom focusing the screen on Gabe while she does most of the talking. It's good to see his face, and I do miss him more than I let on.

My family has to talk about the future sometimes, which makes me sad. When Ben asked my parents for my hand in marriage, the conversation mostly revolved around the unfortunate fact that someday, Ben would be responsible for not just his wife, but also his brother-in-law. If anything happened to my parents, we would have custody of Gabe, and would either live with him, or live near his group community home, depending on the circumstances of course. These are all terrible situations that nobody likes to think of, but we have to, sometimes. It comes with the territory.

I am so grateful for Gabriel - for our relationship, for our history, for all the memories we've shared and will hopefully continue to make for many years to come. But as an adult, I look back on the day my parents told me about the extra chromosome, and I understand now. Things really are different. 

Ben and his sisters are adults. Family reunions are peppered with "remember whens" and multi-layered reminiscing. They can look back on stories that weren't so funny at the time, but after gaining perspective through the years, have developed a nostalgic air of comedy. They can collectively pool their memories and give their parents a good-natured hard time about questionable fashion choices and disciplinary action. I see this with my friends, too - siblings all grown up and laughing about their childhood memories. I miss this, and sometimes I find myself feeling a little jealous.

I realise that not all siblings are friends, or even cordial with each other - and that I'm lucky to have a brother that is a challenge to communicate with, rather than one I can't stand. A few of my friends have lost a sibling, which is horrible and tragic, and I am thankful that my brother and I are still living - even when there will come a day when one of us won't be.

Still, there are times when I feel lonely, almost like an only child. Mostly because I can't reminisce with Gabriel about our past. I don't know how much of our childhood he remembers, aside from flipping through old photo albums together and laughing at our regrettable 90's haircuts. Maybe he doesn't remember much. (He is a guy, after all.) Maybe he remembers more things than I do. (This could be a good thing.)

But maybe that's my responsibility. To do the reminiscing for both of us. To tell the stories I remember about our early days, and to share with our friends and family how amazing my brother is. It's not the same, but I'll take it.

Because sometimes it's okay if things are different.

CK