things I (don't) miss about the USA.

This past summer was my third trip (and Ben's fourth) to the USA since becoming American expats in Australia. Even though I feel like I've never mentally left America thanks (or no thanks) to social media, the media, and how "central" the U.S. seems to be to the rest of the world - after each visit I'm reminded of things I miss (and sometimes don't miss) about our fatherland.

-things I miss-

Being understood in public. Look, English may be the official language for both the U.S. and Australia. But with varying accents, slang, unique phrases and alternative spelling, sometimes it might as well be a foreign language. In Melbourne, I've gotten so used to repeating myself twice or thrice when speaking with any form of customer service. I know I'm not the most eloquent English speaker in the world (despite the fact that English is literally the only language I know), so I understand. But... I was in shock when salespeople in Michigan immediately understood that, yes, I'm looking for this shirt in a different size. How neat!

Unhealthy foods. And the massive varieties of them. I probably shouldn't miss this, but I do. Australia has its own issues with unhealthy foods and lifestyles, but the U.S. is hard to top with its sugary breakfast treats, ginormous restaurant entrees that can feed my entire family for weeks, and the mystifying ingredients that make milk and bread last for months. Seriously. In Australia, milk and bread have week-long expiration dates, tops. And you can definitely tell when the expiry date is approaching, because that stuff goes bad really fast - we're talking mould and curdle and weird, weird odours. Which makes you wonder... what on earth does America put in their food for it to last for months..? Yikes.

shelves and shelves of goodness.

It doesn't get much more American than this.

Half and half. I'm sure you can probably find half and half somewhere in Australia, but I have yet to find it. Melbourne does coffee very very well, but I certainly miss my Americanos with room (for half and half), and did not hesitate to order it almost every time I went for coffee somewhere. I also miss good old drip coffee, even though many American households have apparently converted to Keurigs or fancy latte machines. We use a French press at home, but it's such a pain to clean that I've resorted to instant coffee ever since becoming a mother. I know, I'm ashamed too.

heaven.

Buttery movie theatre popcorn. Okay, this probably belongs in the "unhealthy food" category, but American movie theatre butter topping is probably so bad for you that it can't legally be classified as edible. Still. We miss it! So much that I made my dad take me to the movies in Michigan, even though there wasn't anything good playing (or at least really appropriate for the occasion). We saw "Baby Driver," which I enjoyed for the artistic qualities, but my dad did not appreciate as much ("I'm going to have nightmares" I'm pretty sure he said). But hey, buttery popcorn!

Driving (sometimes). I hate driving. Loathe it. I hate being in control of a machine that can easily do a lot of damage. I hate parking. I hate getting gas and car insurance and car maintenance and being lied to by technicians about the state of my car because I don't know anything about what makes it run. I hate being environmentally conscious and deciding to only use my car once a week and take the bus the rest of the time, but having to drive it around the block everyday or else my battery dies, which negates the whole environmentally friendly aspect. I hate having to go above the speed limit because everyone else does and wondering if that yellow light has been yellow for long enough and mindless road rage and

Wait, this is the "things I miss" list, isn't it? Oh, I'm sorry. I got carried away. What I DO miss about driving... is putting in my favourite CDs on my favourite songs (yes, I guess it's been a while since I've driven) and singing along to them at the top of my lungs, because even crappy car stereos are actually pretty good compared to smartphone speakers. Aside from the shower, there are very few places where one can sing unabashedly in this manner. So, I miss car ride music. And making mixes for Ben during our road trips. And taking road trips, I guess.

-things I don't miss-

Actually paying more for stuff. Things are seemingly more expensive in Australia. I've seen packs of Post-It notes go for $20 a piece; alcohol is very pricey especially at dining establishments; makeup prices are a bit catastrophic. However, in Australia - what you see is what you pay. I'm talking about tipping and tax. Not that either of those things shouldn't be paid - but there's the psychological aspect of having to pay more than what is advertised, and it doesn't feel great. In Australia, food service workers get paid a fair(er) wage, and tips are reserved for situations where people go above and beyond, and it's usually just change. I've spent years working in American food service, so I'm familiar with the tipping culture - but it's just a really uncomfortable system that doesn't always benefit the food service workers - or the customers, for that matter. Also, tax is usually included in prices here, which are typically rounded numbers, so you don't need to use

Pennies. Aside from those gimmicky machines at theme parks (do they actually press your penny, or do they have pre-pressed pennies? does anyone know this?), what a waste. Australia does not have pennies. They have $1 and $2 coins, which are like the opposite of pennies.

Self-flushing toilets. A fellow American expat friend recently reminded me about this one. If flushing the toilet is such a waste of water and very terrible for the environment etc etc etc, it makes perfect sense for ALL the toilets in public restrooms to flush violently every time someone opens the door to a stall or moves a limb. Except for... the one moment when a person would actually flush - and then it doesn't flush, and they have to push the manual button anyway, which negates the whole purpose of a self-flushing toilet. Please. Australia has two manual buttons for flushing - one for wee wees and one for BMs and other unmentionables. This makes much more sense.

Driving. I think I accidentally covered this one already. Also, while taking 100% public transport has its definite downsides, I personally like it way more. No parking! And we're automatically more active, having to walk to and from tram stops and train stations, instead of going right from the garage to the parking lot of Denny's. I mean... the grocery store.

Politics. I'll tread carefully here. But I'm pretty sure we can all agree on one thing: last year's election was crazy. And we were very fortunate and glad to not be physically around for any of it.

that's... new.

I guess what I do miss are the in-person, non-political interactions that humanise people who hold viewpoints different from your own. Many people on social media are very... passionate about their causes and beliefs, but when you're only exposed to one facet of a person, it can be overwhelming, even if you totally agree with them. And sometimes you forget about the stuff that made them a good friend in the first place. Having a beer with an old classmate, going for a morning run with friends, visiting houses and swapping toddler-management tips and tricks with fellow parents - all that tangible stuff - is what I miss. Social media is a great tool for keeping in touch... but sometimes at a cost too great to currently understand.

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Anyway. All that aside, we do miss our family and friends in the States, a lot! And even those silly self-flushing toilets can't keep us from calling the USA our home.

CK

Washington 2017 - Ben's reflections

Infants change so much in a year. Last year for our trip to visit family, Arden was barely able to sit up on her own, had only recently started eating solid food and her babbling was very infrequent. The trip was also really hard on her as she was overwhelmed with meeting so many new people who wanted to hold and snuggle her, and as we wrote about last year, had the unfortunate reaction of bursting into tears when certain people laughed.

This year I was so excited to bring Arden back to Washington and for my family to see her at this age. Candice and I were talking a couple months ago about how one weekend Arden seemed to become a little girl before our eyes. Suddenly she was inventing little games to play with us, her personality and sense of humour were becoming more defined and her desire to do more things on her own was increasing. She is at an age where she loves running around, bossing us around (especially telling us to lay down so she can jump on us or play airplane) and singing constantly. I couldn't wait for my family to see this fun, energetic and loving side of her in person.

For the first few days of the trip we headed down to the Pacific Ocean to stay in our favourite beach town, Seabrook. The traffic was terrible and it took us 8 hours to get there, but thankfully Arden did really well in her car seat. The weather was excellent and it was so nice to be surrounded by Mom's family for the weekend. With both my sisters Saralyn and Lindsay having kids of their own, finding a time when we can all connect is challenging, so the trip was a perfect opportunity to ensure we had lots of family time while enjoying the beauty of the ocean. Arden was a bit slow to warm up to most of the family, but she really loved her Uncle Ryan and even let him hold her a few times. She also loved her older cousins Caiden and Amare, and gave them lots of hugs throughout the trip.

family group photo at Seabrook

Arden and her cousins

a rare cuddle with 3-year old Hudson

The next week we spent a day in Everett visiting our good friends Abbie and Darren and their energetic kids, and also made a stop at the brand new Funko headquarters. It was amazing, full of so many cool pop figures, t-shirts, toys, backpacks and other novelty items. I loved the different themed areas, from the Marvel section, to Star Wars and Disney Princesses to Harry Potter. For all our Washington friends it's definitely worth a visit.

The rest of the week we spent with Arden's Grandpa (whom she called "Gramma" for basically the entire trip) and her Bubbe. Arden warmed to my dad and stepmother immediately, and was so comfortable at their house. She would happily walk around chasing their puppy, Romeo, playing ball or pulling her little toy puppy she got from my stepsister Somer. We also had a great day out on the boat, visited Arden's great-grandparents and had a big family party/dinner, which was a blast. One of our highlights of the trip was when Dad and Sarri offered to watch Arden for the evening so Candice and I could go out for a nice dinner. We had an excellent dinner at Saltwater in Langley and are so thankful for them giving us a little date night. We even came home to find they had put her to sleep too, which almost never happens when we go out.

all dressed up for boating!

Arden took her dog-walking job very seriously.

three-generation hug.

family dinner at Dad's

Towards the end of the trip we spent a relaxing day on Whidbey with Mom, Saralyn, Ryan and Amare and took the opportunity to do a small memorial for my Grandma Sally (Arden's Gigi). Mom purchased a beautiful niche for her ashes at a cemetery in Coupeville that's up on a hill overlooking rolling farmland with the Cascade Mountains in the background. We miss you Gigi but know you are smiling down on us and are so thankful Arden was able to meet you last year.

The last few days of our trip were spent connecting with friends and visiting a few places we miss, like Green Lake and the UW area. We had a big friend gathering (a huge thanks to Tara & Nathanael for hosting) and it was a reminder of how much things have changed as so many of our friends have kids now too. It also reminded us of how the best friendships continue on despite the many miles that separate us, and how an evening spent together can make it feel as if no time has passed since we were all together over a year ago.

walking along Green Lake

Our last night we had a nice family dinner at Lindsay's house. By that point Arden was fully settled in and finally let Lindsay hold her, which was really special, as most of the trip all she wanted were her Uncle Ryans. It was sad to say goodbye but we are so thankful for such a wonderful trip and a great time reconnecting with family and friends.

Arden and her aunties!

Thank you to our families for hosting us, for all the laughs, hugs and for making all the time for us. Thank you to our friends for making the effort to travel to see us. It was so fun to see Arden warm up well to family during this visit, and for everyone to get to see her fun personality. She really loved the time with family and we can't wait for our next trip to visit again.

-BK

Washington 2017 - Candice's reflections

Travel does not exist without home... If we never return to the place we started, we would just be wandering, lost. Home is a reflecting surface, a place to measure our growth and enrich us after being infused with the outside world.  

-Josh Gates 

Probably the most striking thing I noticed during this visit was how tall and strong the trees are in Washington. Southern Australia is, of course, a very different environment (and there is great history here too) - but we've spent the last four years in a neighbourhood where almost everything is relatively young. New buildings and business locations appear every month, new restaurants and cafes open (and close) in very short time spans. Everything here seems... temporary. Which is how we've always viewed our time in Australia as well.

But in Washington, there are roots in the nature. Roots that grow deep, for better or for worse. There is history in the landscape, there are traditions, there are generations upon generations of stories.

That was what I kept thinking about during our time in Washington this year, as we took our almost-2-year-old daughter back home to visit her paternal relatives.

I've said it before - I was neither born nor raised in the state, but because all my time living in Seattle was linked to my relationship with Ben, I do feel like it's "home" now. And it's almost always the place I give when strangers ask where I'm from in the USA. No offence to Michigan or New Jersey at all - but it no longer feels genuine to say that I'm from the Midwest or East Coat.

This year, we spent the majority of time on Whidbey Island, dividing our stay between Ben's two parental households, and spending a few days at Pacific Beach for a Labor Day vacation with his mom and sisters' families. Two weeks is never enough for a trip to Washington, but this year we tried to be better at spending more quality time with family, as the end of the summer is always a challenging time to navigate schedules.

on a morning run with my sisters-in-law.

gorgeous sunrise at Pacific Beach.

This year we were able to meet up with my good friend Kathleen and her family - they drove all the way to Pacific Beach from Eugene, Oregon just for a quick meal at our rental house! It was wonderful to see them and for our little girls to play together.

We also visited a few of our favourite places in Seattle - the University Village and Green Lake, primarily - and spent a day in Everett running some errands and visiting friends Abbie and Darren, who just had their third (!!) baby.

with Abbie and her three kids!

at Green Lake with my Green Lake t-shirt. smooth.

Our friends Tara and Nathanael also graciously hosted an open house for our friends, as we didn't have enough time to make individual visits with everyone. Many of our friends have kids around the same age as Arden, so it was fun to see them interacting together, sometimes chasing each other around the room and playing with toys together. Our friends Zach and Kyara (the ones who visited us when Arden was two weeks old!) just had a little baby themselves, who Arden was delighted to meet.

Arden and Declan.

It was a little strange going right from three weeks in Michigan without Ben, to a very condensed and busy visit to Washington with Ben and his family. Fortunately, Arden had no problems adjusting back to life with her Dada. And even though she missed her Michigan family, she quickly warmed up to most of her Washington family, holding her Mimi's hand and asking her "Auntie Say-yo" (Auntie Saralyn) to hold her on her lap. She especially loved her cousins and uncles, and was so excited to pet and chase around some of the family dogs.

Arden and her cousins at the beach. 

Throughout our entire USA tour, it was really neat seeing Arden fit into the various contexts of families, holding unique but similar roles in their lives: grandchild (one of four, one of two, the only one - and the sole granddaughter for all), niece, cousin, great-grandchild.

While Arden mostly recognises everyone's faces from photos and video chats, she also just internally knows that these people are Important to us, that these are relations by blood and marriage and history and friendship, that she belongs in each of these family circles and subcultures without hesitation. She is well aware of the roots we come from, roots that we continue to nurture as much as we can, even from clear across the globe.

Thanks to all our friends and family for hosting us, making the trips to see us, and showering Arden with love and warm memories. We'll see you again soon!

CK