ben is tired.

The midwife places Arden on Candice, freshly delivered and still covered in blood and amniotic fluid, and suddenly we are parents.  I'll never forget that moment, sharing a look of shock and awe with Candice, then staring at this beautiful girl we have been creating in our minds for the past 9 months.

Flash forward 6 weeks and Arden is wearing 0-3 month clothes (I may have shed a tear when we had to box up all the newborn outfits), growing heavier and more squeezable by the day, and increasing her vocal prowess to the point where I worry about the state of our windows when she screams.

My head constantly feels a bit cloudy, on account of the lack of sleep, and probably the ever present shock that hasn't completely worn off since Arden was born.  Don't get me wrong, I love her like I've known her for years and feel very comfortable being a father, but the knowledge that she is ours and totally dependent on us is a bit overwhelming.

Bouncing has become our life.  Bouncing to comfort our cuddly little girl, who hates being put down during the day.  On hot days, we turn on the A/C and bounce in front of the fan, and while we watch The Tonight Show one of us will inevitably be bouncing around the living room to try and lull her to sleep.  I make dinner, Candice bounces.  Candice takes a shower, I bounce.  Daddy needs to check his fantasy football team, Mommy gets out the Moby wrap and bounces.  Bounce, bounce, bounce!  At least we are getting a workout.

I was fortunate to be able to take 3 weeks off work when Arden was born, and treasured those first few weeks getting to know our daughter.  Eventually we settled into a nice routine, and one of my favourite times became the early morning when I would take Arden to the living room and let Candice sleep for a couple extra hours.  Arden would still be all cozy in her swaddle, and I would sit with her on my chest and just enjoy the sound of her breathing and the feel of our hearts beating together.  I was also reminded of my Dad in those moments, who has told me many times that holding me on his chest as a baby were some of the most wonderful moments of his life.  It feels really special to know that feeling my Dad experienced with me, and to be able to share it now with my daughter.

Going back to work was really sad and difficult.  At only 3 weeks old, Arden was still so tiny and precious, and I felt so bad to leave her (and Candice).  All I wanted was to stay home with my little pod and be there to experience every new sound, facial twitch, and snuggle.  Thankfully my coworkers have been great.  They are so excited for us and love all the pictures of Arden, and I've been able to work from home one day a week too.  I still wish I could be home all the time, but I am thankful to have a job I enjoy with people I really like, and that I can provide for our growing family.

It's been a challenging few weeks raising our little girl, as we have to adjust to simple things like not eating at the same time (since someone has to bounce the baby) and her always fluctuating moods, but when she started smiling and cooing over the past week it made all the difficult moments fade away.  Yep, we've become those parents, and we love it.

BK