the last five years.

Five years ago, on the long drive home from a day trip to Portland, Ben and I made a decision - we were going to date, exclusively and seriously. Sometimes people call this a DTR conversation: Defining the Relationship. Some see it as smart and necessary (being direct can prevent misunderstanding and confusion) or kind of dumb (relationship progression should happen naturally! also DTRs are like, totally for middle schoolers). But for us, it means that we made a commitment to each other. One of many, but it was the first, on August 15.

Year #1 was tough. We had our ups and downs, our moments of "do I really want to be in this relationship?" and the inevitable doubt that occurs when negative layers of a significant other's self are revealed. But at the end of the year, we were happy, we were committed, and we were determined to keep going.

We continued to celebrate August 15. We took short trips, had nice dinners, watched broadway shows and beautiful sunsets. It was our special day, and I loved acknowledging it. Some people thought we were silly for elevating a day on the calendar for such an insignificant event. Others asked when we'd finally get hitched. We were just happy to be together.

On our third dating anniversary, Ben took me out on a boat rental on the most beautiful day of the summer. He stopped in front of Gas Works Park - the location of our first date - and gave me a question and a ring. There are no photographs or videos of this moment, but it lives on in our memories. I said yes. And on August 15, another big commitment was made.

Our first wedding anniversary is coming up, on August 31. We had a great day - it was special, it was beautiful, it went well. But it wasn't completely about us. It was about us and others. Sometimes it was about the melding of various families and communities, other times it was about compromise and logistics. Our wedding day was about legal commitment, acknowledging loved ones, and was a beautiful theatrical event. We will remember the date, celebrate it for what it is, and will refer to it on official paperwork. But for me, the 15th will always be more significant. It's the date we made our true, genuine commitments, and is a date that's 100% ours - no fuss, no drama. 

The 15th celebrates a long car ride to Seattle. 

Years of seemingly small but special memories.

And a boy and a girl on a boat, 
in the middle of a lake,

just a moment, 

just us.

I am all for celebrating that.

Happy 5 years, Ben.

CK