It was the first time since the move that I have really felt the great distance between us and our loved ones back in the US. I wanted so badly to be there for Kathleen and her family, and also to spend time with our own families, to be near them after such a tragic reminder of how fragile and precious life is. All throughout Christmas and now, it feels wrong. It feels wrong to celebrate and be happy, wrong to shed tears in sorrow, wrong to be 15,746 kilometers away from where my heart is.
We are really far away in Melbourne. Of course, we thought it all through when we decided to move here. We knew that we would be missing out on many things: birthdays, holidays, maintaining friendships, children growing. We knew that we would have to make hard decisions about when to come back to visit, due to finances and work and logistics. Two of our dear friends are having weddings within the next year or so, and Ben has been invited to be a Groomsman for one of them. We also need to take into account other life events - if our siblings get married or have babies, if anyone in our family falls ill or passes. Life is very unpredictable, and we can't come back for everything.
My extended family is spread out across the globe - my father's family in Indonesia, and my mother's family in the Philippines and all over the States. Growing up in New Jersey, I missed out on many family milestones and vice versa, but I was still fortunate enough to visit aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents when we had the opportunity. I was taught from an early age to cherish every family reunion because they didn't happen very often, and was reminded that every visit could always be our last time seeing someone, especially the elderly. When my maternal grandfather fell ill with a stroke, I was able to visit him in Manila and say goodbye, a memory that I will always treasure. However, I was not able to attend his funeral service due to timing and logistics, even though I very much wanted to be there. Saying goodbye to him in person was deemed more important than attending his memorial, but it would have been nice to do both. Distance often makes for some very hard choices.
Being in close proximity to each other doesn't necessarily mean closeness in relationships, either. Some families who live minutes or short hours away from each other only visit occasionally, sometimes because of schedules and difference in priorities, sometimes just because. Which is why it's so important to value any time spent with all loved ones, near or far, whether you see them once a year or every day, whether they live on a different continent or just down the street.
We mourn and grieve with those who have experienced great loss, and we remember those who have passed before us. But we also cherish each other, gratefully celebrating the little time we have together on this earth. Life is short, for all of us.
CK
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